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by Meg Cieply Peterson
Topics: Reference Source, Friendship Across the Ages, Promoting Good Character in Your Child, Talking About Tough Issues

Your first grader comes home telling you that he's bitter enemies with his best friend. Before you stage a round of peace talks, take a deep breath. Most childhood conflicts resolve themselves in a moderately short period of time. And by being patient and tuned in to your child's emotional cues, chances are you'll know instinctively when and if it's time to step in and help.

"It's important that parents understand that friendships among kids (of all ages) are like a roller coaster," says Kathy Ruwe, a counselor at Las Lomitas Elementary School in Atherton, California. "Relationships are up and down on a daily basis. Kids are great friends one day, mortal enemies the next day, and want to have a sleepover or play date two days later."

While some problems aren't problems at all – bound to blow over in a few days, some are significant. It pays to know the difference. If your child is down because her friend said, "I wish you would go away," at lunch, give the friend the benefit of the doubt. She may be having a bad day. On the other hand, if your child shows signs of depression and anxiety over a rough spot in a friendship, it might be time to step in and help.

Even then, Naomi Drew, author of the book Peaceful Parents, Peaceful Kids cautions against jumping in too quickly. "Best to first serve as a sounding board, empathize and brainstorm together," she says. "Resolving conflicts effectively is a muscle kids develop best with gentle, sparing guidance and the empathic ears of loving adults."