Are You Raising a Chicken?

If your child balks at zipping down a slide on his own, thinks ice is too slippery for skating, and bikes go too fast, you may worry that you’ve raised a scaredy-cat. Of course, we all want our kids to wear seat belts and helmets and to show some degree of caution. But we also want to raise children with the confidence to enjoy ordinary acts of derring-do. Not to worry: it is possible to teach kids to take risks safely, sensibly, and without tears.

“It’s really about empowering them,” says Karen Friedland-Brown, M.A., director of the parent education nonprofit Parents Place in Palo Alto, California. “How do we help build their confidence? There’s a process of desensitization.”

By desensitization, she doesn’t mean bullying them into submission. A little coaxing goes a long way. First, suggests Friedland-Brown, acknowledge your child’s fears. While it may seem silly that a 5-year-old is terrified of the same slide younger kids are racing down, your child’s worries are real and deriding them can make matters worse. A simple “yes, that is a tall slide” can work wonders by showing your child you empathize.

Next, take some time to observe – no pressure allowed! You can sit together and watch the other kids climb the ladder and slide down. Let your child see how it’s done and reassure himself that no one’s getting hurt. Then, gently, you can help him envision himself doing the same thing. “Wow, that looks fun! You have such strong legs, you could probably climb the ladder really fast.”