Jokes for Kids

Posted: Friday, October 18th, 2013


jokes for kidsIllustration by Corey Fields

At a recent staff meeting, a few of us class clowns started telling our favorite jokes for kids. We wanted to share the best ones, because let’s face it: laughter is a learning power tool. It staves off boredom, helps calm test anxiety, and can be a great ice-breaker when kids get frustrated. So next time you need “a good one”, rattle off one of one of these jokes for kids from your friends at

Do trains have teeth?
Well, then, how do they choo?

What did Sushi A say to Sushi B?

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Owls who?

What’s brown and sticky?
A stick.

How many apples grow on a tree?
All of them.

Two atoms are walking down the street together. The first atom turns and says, “Hey! You just stole an electron from me!”
“Are you sure?” asks the second atom.
The first atom replies, “Yeah, I’m positive!”

What did one snowman say to the other?
“Do you smell carrots?”

What building has the most stories?
A library!

What’s a pirate’s girlfriend’s name?

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Lettuce who?
Lettuce in! It’s cold out here!

Will you remember me in a year?
Will you remember me in a month?
Will you remember me in a week?
Will you remember me in a minute?
Will you remember me in a second?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?

What’s a cow’s favorite date?
The moo-vies.

Why did the ghost go to the opera house?
He loved classical boo-sic.

Where does a king keep his armies?
In his sleevies!

How much do pirates pay for their earrings?
A buccaneer!

What did the magician say when he lost his rabbit?
Hare today, gone tomorrow.

103 Responses to “Jokes for Kids”

  1. Candice Abellon Says:

    the carrots joke got me when it was told to me. I was like, “Oh, I don’t smell carrots.” it’s all about the delivery!

  2. Mercedes Says:

    Nice jokes to tell my girls, thank you. We always do the knock knock jokes. They’re so silly. Here’s one for ya:
    Knock, knock. Who’s there? Cee Lo. Cee Lo who? See love, I came for you.

  3. Lian Perry Says:

    Why did the bacon laugh?
    Because the egg cracked a yolk.

    Funny jokes, thanks!

  4. Candice Abellon Says:

    Haha oh those are nice ones, Mercedes and Lian :)

  5. Alison Says:

    Knock knock
    Who’s there?
    Amos who

    Knock knock
    Who’s there?
    Nuda who?
    A-nuda mosquito

  6. Paul Says:

    My grandfather used to ask me this when I was a kid and I never gave the correct punch line, didn’t realize it until he passed…

    Q: What do you think of the high price of cheese
    A: It stinks!

  7. Barry Says:

    How do you catch a unique rabbit?
    Unique up on it.

    How do you catch a tame rabbit?
    The tame way.

  8. Melanie Says:

    How do you get a tissue to dance?

    You put a little boogie in it!!

  9. Rachel Says:

    What did the duck say when she bought lipstick?

    “Just put it on my bill”

  10. Patt Says:

    What’s clear on the outside
    and gray on the inside?

    “An elephant in a baggie!”

  11. Teresa Says:

    Knock knock
    Who’s there?
    Boo who?
    Don’t cry, it’s only me!

    My grandmother told me this one over 50 years ago and it’s been a big hit through the generations. (Kids like the “verge of naughtiness” factor.)
    Want to hear a dirty joke?
    A little boy (or a white horse) fell in a mud puddle.

  12. KATHY Says:

    Why did the turtle cross the road?
    To get to the Shell Station!

  13. Debbie G. Says:

    What did one casket say to the other casket?
    Is that you coffin?

  14. Matt D. Says:

    Knock Knock
    Who’s there?
    Interrupting Cow.
    (And as the kid starts to say “interrupting cow who,” you loudly MOOOOOO at them, thus interrupting them. My niece and nephew know it’s coming and still love it.)

  15. sara g Says:


  16. Shayne Davis Says:

    How do you make a kleenix dance?
    You put a little boogie in it.

  17. Steve Says:

    What did the snail say when he was riding on the back of a turtle?


  18. Donald Says:

    knock, knock
    Who’s there
    Dewey who
    Do we have to do knock knock jokes

    Why did the chicken cross the road?
    To show the squirrel it can be done.

  19. Scott Says:

    Why do pigs use a lot of sun screen at the beach? Because they are afraid of bacon (bakin’)

  20. Pam Says:

    Why did the chicken cross the playground?
    To get to the other slide!

  21. Momu Says:

    What’s a pirates favorite letter?

    It be the sea!

  22. A.Nonymous Says:

    Q: What has twelve feet, six eyes, and three tails, but can’t see?
    A: Three blind mice!

  23. Gordo Says:

    Q: Why do gorillas have such big nostrils?
    A: Because they have such big fingers!

  24. Kathleen Fitzgerald Says:

    Favorite jokes of my five-year-old grandson:

    What water is the friendliest?
    The ocean – because it waves.

    Why don’t you know when a pterodactyl goes to the bathroom?
    Because the P is silent.

  25. mary ann hornchek Says:

    My favorite joke of all time was the one my 4 year old made up 31 years ago: “What would happen if your hands fell off? You couldn’t pick them up.

  26. Zooligan Says:

    Q. Why did the math book get glasses?

    A. It had problems with di-vision!

  27. Andrew Says:

    Did you hear about the big fire at the circus?

    It was intense.

  28. Bill Baker Says:

    What is a ghosts favorite flavor of pie?

  29. DocOnions Says:

    O.K. so here’s an oldie but goodie ” why was 6 afraid of 7 cause 7, 8, 9 ”
    My grandkids love that one because it’s so silly.

  30. grandma Says:

    Q: How do you catch an unique rabbit?
    A: Unique up on him.

    Q: How do you catch a tame rabbit?
    A: Tame way.

  31. Janice Says:

    Why couldn’t the little pirate go to the movies? Because it was rated ARRRRRRRRRRR

  32. Leah Says:

    What did the dog say to the horse?
    Why such a long face?

  33. Lonnie Says:

    What did the Cow say to the tractor?
    Come a little closer John Deere!

  34. Heather Says:


    Who’s there?


    Cowgo who?



    Who’s there?


    Cargo who?


  35. e. prince Says:

    What is a Pirates favorite letter?

    Ya think it’s the “R” (RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR…) but it’s actually the “C”.

  36. Donna Page Says:

    Why do motorcylces fall over so easy?
    Because they are two tired.

  37. Beth Says:

    Knock. Knock.
    Who’s there?
    Cargo who?
    Car go BEEP BEEP.

    My son loves this one.

  38. David Says:

    How did the egg get up the mountain?
    It scrambled.

    Knock Knock
    Who’s there?
    Knock Knock
    Who’s there?
    Knock Knock
    Who’s there?
    Knock Knock
    WHO’S THERE?!!
    Orange who?
    Orange you glad I didn’t say Bannana?

  39. Jeanne Says:

    What kind of room has no doors or windows?
    A mushroom.

    Why do watermelons have water in them?
    Because they’re planted in the spring.

    How does a horse eat best?
    Without a bit in its mouth.

  40. Jody Says:

    Why did the sucker cross the road?
    He was stuck to the chicken.

  41. Rachel Says:

    What do you find up a CLEAN nose?


  42. Emanuel Kennell Says:

    What did one hat say to the other? Wait here, I’m going on a head.

  43. Kathie Says:

    My niece’s favorite

    What did the big rose say to the little rose?
    “Hi ya, Bud”

  44. Betsy Says:

    Why did the boy wear a parka to a baseball game? He heard that there would be lots of fans.

  45. Joy Says:

    Why did the cook throw butter out the window?
    He wanted to see a butter-fly

  46. The Great Ricardo Says:

    What do you call a cat on the beach?

    Sandy Claws, of course.

  47. The Great Ricardo Says:

    Where do you get Dragon Milk from?

    Short legged cows

  48. Patrick Says:

    Why do Eskimos wash their clothes in Tide?

    Because it’s too cold ‘out-Tide’

  49. S Devore Says:

    Why was the strawberry worried?

    His parent’s were in a jam!

  50. Debra Says:

    What do you find in a clean nose? Fingerprints

  51. Scottie Says:

    How do you get down from an elephant?
    Do you don’t, you get down from a duck.

  52. Jason Says:

    Why did the cinnamon roll?
    Because he saw the apple turnover.

  53. Jason Says:

    Which president is the least guilty?
    Lincoln…cause he’s in-a-cent

  54. Joann Says:

    Q: What did the robot say to the gas pump?
    A: Take your fingers out of your ears and listen to me.

  55. Chase Says:

    Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? Because it wanted to get to the bottom!

  56. joe Says:

    Q: Where does a cow go to get a drivers license?
    A: Department of Moooter Vehicles.

    Q: How does a cow get on the Internet?
    A: With a Mooodem

  57. jeff Says:

    What did the snail say riding on the Turtle’s back?


  58. travis garrett Says:

    Where do you take a sick boat?
    To the dock.

  59. Dan Says:

    whats brown and sticky? a stick!

  60. michelle Says:

    Knock knock.
    Who’s there?
    Cargo who?
    Car go “beep beep.”

  61. susan Says:

    Courtesy of my 9 year old…

    What did one ocean say to another?

    Nothing. They just waved…

  62. Ashley Says:

    I saw this already, but this was the way I heard it:

    What is a pirate’s favorite letter? Arr (R)

    You might think it’s Arr, but (in a pirate voice) his first love be da Sea (C).

  63. ed lee Says:

    What did the baby tape say to the mommy tape while doing homework?

    I’m stuck.

  64. Jack Young Says:

    What do they call that bird that flies over the sea looking for food?

    I don’t know.

    It’s a seagull. What do they call that bird that flies over the bay looking for food?

    I don’t know.

    It’s a bagel!

  65. Kim Says:

    What do you call cheese that’s not your cheese? NACHO cheese

  66. Sheila Says:

    My friend told me this joke when we were about 7 years old…We’re in our 60′s and are still (long distance) friends!

    What happens when you have a box of ducks?

    It becomes a box of quackers!

  67. Linda Goodman Says:

    Why did the turtle cross the road?

    To get to the shell station!

  68. Dan Says:

    Why do lobsters never share?
    Because they are shellfish!

  69. Kate Says:

    My grandson’s favorite joke is
    What did the zero say to the eight?
    “Nice Belt!”


    What’s black and white and read all over?
    A newspaper!

  71. Anderson Says:

    I need to borrow a henway [ or can you hand me that henway?]
    – What’s a henway?
    Oh, about 5 or 6 pounds…

    Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long?
    - ‘Cause then it’d be a foot!

  72. Flynn Says:

    What did the beaver say when he left his friends?

    - “It’s been nice gnawing you!”

  73. Gena C Says:

    When is a door not a door?
    – When it’s a jar.

  74. Franca Says:

    Why does Peter Pan always fly?
    because he can Never Never Land

  75. Gary Cook` Says:

    “Dad,a man came to see you today.”
    “Did he have a bill?”
    “No, he had a nose like yours.”

    Why does a stork stand on one leg?
    Because if he lifted it up he’d fall down.

    What did the colt say when he cleared his throat?
    “Excuse me, I’m a little hoarse.”

  76. Cliff Maness Says:

    Why is a baker so rich? Because he makes so much dough!

  77. Michael Says:

    Why is the ocean blue?

    Because all of the fish go “blu, blu, blu, blu…”

  78. wayno Says:

    do you know why your nose cannot be 12 inches long?
    because then it would be a foot!

  79. Jeremy Says:

    My 4 year old loves this one:

    Q: What sound does a sad cow make?

    A: A blue moo.

  80. meatball Says:

    Q: What do you call soap that feels guilty?

    A: Shame-poo

  81. Kimberley Says:

    Guess what I got for my Birthday?


    A Henway!

    What’s a henway?

    Oh, about 5 pounds!

    My son still loves that joke and he’s a 20 yr old college student!

  82. Sarah Says:

    How do monkeys get to school?
    They ride on the Hippopota-BUS!

  83. Mr. Chilton Says:

    What did one wall say to the other wall?

    Meet you at the corner!

    What did the ocean say to the beach?

    Nothing, it just waved.

  84. Linda Says:

    Do you know the difference between unlawful and illegal?


    Unlawful is against the law, illegal is a sick bird.

  85. Jennifer Says:

    Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 8 9!

  86. Elena Nyhan Says:

    A man walked into a library and said to the lady behind the desk, “I ‘ll have a cheeseburger and fries, please!”

    Libarian: “Sir! This is a LIBRARY!”

    Man: “Oh, sorry” (Now whisper): “I’ll have a cheeseburger and fries, please.”

  87. david Says:

    why did the scarecrow get a promotion? Because he was outstanding in his field!

  88. Jane Rowland Says:

    This riddle was on a Dixie Cup about 35 years ago. My son told it to everybody who would listen. He got so tickled he could hardly finish. And everyone he told laughed. In fact we still do!

    Why do cows have bells?

    ‘Cause their horns don’t work.

  89. Velvet Says:

    Why was the baby strawberry crying?

    Because its mother was in a jam.

    I think I learned that joke at 4 or 5 years old and 30 years later, I tell it to little kids and we still laugh!

  90. Rob Says:

    Why does a chicken coop have two doors?

    If it had four doors, it would be a chicken sedan!

  91. Annette Bigler Says:

    Where does the Easter Bunny eat breakfast? I Hop

  92. Pat Says:

    Why did the cookie go to the doctor?

    She felt a little crummy.

    What did the ocean say to the rock on shore?

    Nothing. He just waved.

  93. jessica delich Says:

    What did the zero say to the eight? Nice belt! 0, 8, get it! hahahaha
    love that one

  94. jessica delich Says:

    why did the banana go to the doctor? he wasn’t peeling well!

    why don’t sharks eat clowns? they taste funny!

  95. Millie Says:

    What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

    “Where’s my tractor?”

    A little girl told this joke years ago as a guest on Johnny Carson and it still makes me laugh!

  96. Susan Merring Says:

    What to hear a dirty joke?

    A white horse fell in a mud puddle.

  97. Louie Says:

    What’s the first letter in yellow? Y? Cause I want to know!

  98. Jerry Says:

    First joke I ever learned:

    Who’s bigger?: Mr. Bigger, or Mr. Bigger’s baby?

    Well, the baby’s a little bigger.

  99. Michelle Foote Says:

    Why did Tigger put his head in the toilet? He was looking for Pooh!

  100. Natalie Says:

    Knock knock

    Who’s there?


    Ivan who?

    (Sing) Ivan working on the railroad

  101. Jazz & Jade's Mom Says:

    What did the number 0 say to the number 8?
    Nice belt!

  102. Ken S. Says:

    Which geometric figure describes an Auto Accident?
    “What else is a wreck tangle?” (rectangle)

    Which geometric figure cancels a witch’s curse?
    A HEXagon!

    Which one represents a dead parrot?
    A POLLY-Gone (polygon)

    Why are all the numbers afraid of the “7″
    Because seven ate nine and ten.

    What does one call a rich chocolate/coffee drink in a monastery?

    Did you know that convents are “habit-forming” ?

    Did you know that monasteries are very conventional?

  103. sandy Says:

    Why did the cookie go to the Doctors ? Because he was feeling crummy …

    Why did the tomato blush ? Because he saw Salad Dressing…..

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