courious about his body

courious about his body

Hi, yesterday my son (9year old) got in trouble because he was found with his pants off with his cousin (a five 1/2 year old) and they were touching each other. they are both boys.. Is this normal? i don't know what to do my husband was so mad at my 9 year old that he told him really bad thing and didn't stop to thing of what he was telling him or how bad he was hurting him... i need help... i need to know if this is normal for a nine year old or if i have to take him to talk to someone... can you help me with this???? please....
Reply from: Boys Town National Hotline Date: Jun 18, 2008 at 12:21 pm

It sounds as if you are very concerned about your son’s behavior with his cousin and how you should respond further to his actions.  A nine year old should understand the difference between good touch and bad touch. Curiosity about their changing body can generally be normal, but it is important that you carefully assess the situation that has occurred.
  
The most important thing is that you sit down and have a calm discussion with him about what happened.  Keep in mind that your purpose is to gather facts so you can better understand the seriousness of the issue; not to lecture or punish your son at this point.  If Dad is extremely upset, then you may want to do it on your own.  
 
Sit him down at the kitchen table, in his bedroom, or in the living room without any other distractions like the TV or other family members around. Ensure that it is safe for him to talk to you; because if he is afraid of getting in trouble, he will likely not tell you anything.  Prepare in your mind what questions you want answered.  
 
Some things that you should find out are: Has he ever done this with his cousin or anyone else before?  Has an adult ever touched him in this manner?  If yes, with whom, how often, where, when?  
 
Do you know if their contact with each other was done out of curiosity or was it a sexual interaction/stimulation between the two of them?  A concern for you might also be if your son (as the older of the two) was the aggressor; that is did he coerce, or force his cousin to engage in this behavior?  
 
If you have concerns that there may be some sort of previous abuse issues, then take him to his pediatrician & let the doctor know of your concerns in advance of the appointment.  Counseling should be an option if there is suspicion of either previous abuse, or coercive behavior on your son’s part.  Hopefully you will be able to get some of the answers to these questions so you can better understand what your response should be to this behavior.
 
Boys Town National Hotline
1-800-448-3000
an Education.com partner

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Reply from: vflores1 Date: Jun 18, 2008 at 5:24 pm

Thank you for anwering back, i have done exacly what you have suggested in your coment and he tell me that no one is touching him in any way he thinks is wrong, i haven't brought this up for the moment but i plan to have a long talk with him again to make sure he is okay and he is not being abused in any way..
thank you.

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