My son is driving me INSANE!!!!

How many times does one need to tell a child how to behave in public and around adults?!?!?!
 
Unfortunately with some children, more than we would like. Behavior is communication, so that is your starting point. Impulsivity is still an issue so despite knowing what is right the impulse may be stronger. Develop a plan during a calm time and consequences for inapproapriate choices. If you are having a great deal fo anxiety, you are making the right choice to seek some input. Be open to modifying your interactions as well. We are much more flexible and can sometimes handle a situation in a different way that will produce a different outcome. I am a Pr-k teacher and apply this to myself as well. Good luck!

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Hi justjessica,
 
It sounds like a really frustrating situation and I'm sorry you're going through it! Starting "big kid" school can be a really overwhelming time for kids and they act out their anxiety about it in lots of different ways.  
 
I think the key to turning your son's situation around is developing a united front with his teacher.  I'd ask her for a meeting as soon as possible so the two of you can make sure you're on the same page about expectations, develop a reward/consequence system for school and home, and share ideas about how to help your son be successful.  At the end of the meeting (or at a separate meeting) you can invite your son in and tell him about the plan.  
 
I think you should start with a list of very specific behaviors you want to encourage.  So don't just say "you have to behave", give him five things to work on (maybe staying in his seat during desk time, raising his hand if he has something to say, keeping his hands to himself, following the playground rules at recess, and saying please and thank you to his teacher).   Make a chart with a row for each of the five things and a column for each school day.  Send the chart to school each morning with him and ask the teacher to put a smiley face or frowney face in each box based on his behavior that day and send it home with him in the afternoon.  Talk to him each night about the chart.  Praise him for the things he did well and talk through the things he didn't do well.  Agree on a reward/consequence system with the teacher.   Something like - if he gets less than 10 smiley faces for the week he loses something (TV, a favorite toy, etc).  If he gets more than 15 he gets a reward (a new book, a trip to his favorite restaurant for breakfast with you, etc).  Once he's really "mastered" those five behaviors, you can start a new chart with new and more challenging behaviors.  
 
This is a bit of work for you and for his teacher, but I think over time it could really help him improve.
 
Also, I agree that consulting a counselor is a great idea.  It sounds like he's got some bigger issues (like the transition issues and the other things you mentioned are happening in your life).  He may be having a hard time expressing his feelings about these things and so he's resorting to bad behavior.
 
Good luck and please let us know how he's doing!
 
Kat
Education.com Community Team

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Thanks for the replies everyone!
I have spoken to his teacher and we have like an 'activity list', where she puts smiley faces on it when he was a good listener on the activities for the day and where he was 'reminded' to do something. He brings it home and we go over it together and i put a sad face on the times he needs to be reminded to do something (whether he wasn't listening or standing in line...)

We are teaching him about consequences to his actions... right now he cannot play with his toys. We have explained to him that every time that i find out he wasn't a good listener that's another day he doesn't get to play with his toys... but to tell you the truth i don't think it even phases him... :(  
I talk to him until I am purple in the face... my former massage instructor (who use to be a teacher for 13yrs), told me to stop talking to him about what he did wrong at school and to focus on what he did that was good in school... She says that she thinks that he is picking up on my anxiety and that is making him anxious...

Once again thanks to all of you who responded! I greatly appreciate it!

((hugs to all))

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I would suggest a rewards system of some kind.  I praticerly love the marbel jar.  You purchuse two large plastic jars.  You get 50-100 marbels to fill one jar.  Ad s your child obeys and has good days at school you let him add afew marbels to his empty jar. So on and so on unti his jar is full.(he can also loose a few marbels for bad behavior.  Once his jar is full, you do a pre planned activity you decided on one you started the marbel jar.  IE:  A trip to the toy store (with a pre set spending limit, getting ice cream, a special play date, a trip to the zoo, whatever works well for your family's needs.  In the begining once you have decided on his reward you make a a sighn and hang it were he can see it so your child knows what he is working towards as well.  When I nannyed this system worked well.  You may need to add or subtract the total number of marbels based on how quickly he is filling his jar and how quick you want his reward system to be.  I hope this works well for you.  Please keep me updated on his progress.

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I know just want you mean. My son is 18 months, I know he's small, but he acts older.  I  dont go anywhere because he runs everywhere, screams and cries for everything he cant have.  I had to reschedule his doctors appt.,cause he was just
out of control!! I thought it was just me because i am a very nervous person.  But i noticed that he does it everywhere.  I dont know what to do.  On Labor day weekend, we went to a festival her in town.  I thought it would be nice to take him,since we never go anywhere...BIG MISTAKE!!!  I was'nt even there 30 minutes, we did'nt even make all the way around the booths before i had a nervous brake down and had to leave early.  It was so embarassing!!  I left crying!  This my 1st & only child and I'm 30.  
  

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Well, I had to take my son to get 'evaluated' per the recommendation of the child therapist. So, I took him to a psychiatrist and she told me that it sounds like he is being a normal kid... but that there are concerns with some of his behavior but she thinks its too earl y to diagnose him w/ autism or ADHD (yes that's what i was told to take him for), the Dr. thinks it might be something else but she is willing to help, which is good... :)
He still acts up at school, sometimes he has good days, sometimes he has bad days...  

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I hear you. It has been sometime since I have been able to get back to the blog, but I remember the day I posted a discussion in tears. Since that time however, my son and I have gone on a journey that is leading us to a place of healing and understanding. Now, my son is in a treatment program, and he does have a dual clinical diagnosis of adhd/bipolar disorder. But, even in seeking help for my son, I had to acknowledge in tap into some truths for myself as well. I too have undergone in evaluation, and not all too surprising, without the doctor even knowing the things that were going on with my son, we have the same dual diagnosis. Only I am an adult. (A very disorganized one). You can imagine the effects that has had on my child(ren). Child counseling is great. We know we have to work and pay bills, but my fresh idea would be to also seek some family or individual counseling for yourself. Our children drive us insane, because theyare the raw naked images of our true selves. The way they speak and act is a direct derivative of what we have given them. You have to start being honest with yourself about what you have put into your child. You have to help yourself before you can ever effectively help your child. I KNOW that I have a lot of issues from a rough upbringing and being in fostercare. But I am not in those places anymore, and my children do not have to share in those experiences if I open my eyes on today, and start realistically responding to and attacking the things that are keeping us from being a whole and happy family. And then at the end of the day, when I have done all that I allowed myself, I have to remind myself that rome was not built in a day. There is a song that I would recommend called "it is a slow fade." You have to be real with it before you can deal with it.

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Furthermore, you cannot cal your resources thingies. If your child's teacher has taken the time to address your son's needs above all the other children that she has to deal with in a day, you need to respect those tools and inact them. not only at scholl but at home as well. People do not have to run on your schedule because you are "having a problem". So I would suggest that you reinforce those same behavioral guides for your son at home, so that it acclimates him to the teachers methods. Offering some consistency to your son gives him fewer avenues to play games with you guys. I am catching it because noone in my support system thinks anything of counseling or getting"help". So it is always a nightmare getting my kids reorganized to the way we have to do things in our household if I have an emergency, and have to take them over a relatives house. So now I have to reach out to my church members, and whoever else, to find what I consider to be a respectable emergency relief for my children. It is all hard, but I look at the people that are prospering, and I have to ask. The answer is always hard work. Put the dating and partying and the outings aside for awhile, because it will be there when you have time for it again, and get your house in order. At least this much is the answer that I have come to for myself.

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