My son needs soooooo much help!!!!
I am at my witts end and have no idea what I am supposed to do. He is 8 and in the 3rd grade, but is failling miserably. When he attended preschool and was preparing to go to kindergarden, his teacher showed concern and asked me to consider holding him back. However, at the end of the year when it was time for him to enroll, the teacher said that he had caught up and was cleared to move forward. Within the first few months of him starting kindergarden, his teacher arranged a conference and expressed concern about his accademic level and that my son was in concideration to be retained. But, once again, by the end of that year, he was doing well enough to move forward. Pretty much the same thing has happened in 1st grade, 2nd grade and now 3rd. I am sooooo frusterated. I want to get him a tutor, however I am a single parent with a full time job and can not afford to do so. I have bought him work books to do at home and he seems to be catching up, but Im not sure if its really enough to keep up with the other kids. Id hate to have to go threw this year after year. I believe that if he succeds in school, he will suceed in life and watching him struggle like this is breaking my heart. I can't imagine what will happen if he continues to struggle year after year. How will effect his self esteem? Already, he is now "the class clown" and doesn't pay attention in class and is doing horrible on test. He wont turn in his homework and does his classwork extremly slow. I believe all this is due to his lack of confidence, yet I have no idea how to help him or what more I can do to change the situation. I need any and every piece of advise I can get.
Posted by:
mommylovesjo00
Reply from:
Laura Compian
Date: Oct 9, 2008 at 6:34 pm
Reply from:
momsboys Date: Oct 11, 2008 at 2:12 pm
I agree with Laura on the testing and all, however I don't see where anyone has talked to your son. Maybe he could shed some light on the problems in advance. How does he feel he is being treated in class and also at home, it is not easy being a single parent - been there done that - maybe he feels he does not get enough attention unless he messes up class work. Just thoughts, not saying he does.
But you may think about how/what type of time you spend with him at home, if you worry more about house work and such let it go it will always be there but kids grow and you won't be able to get these days back.
Reply from:
refincher Date: Oct 11, 2008 at 10:52 pm
I am a homeschooling mom to three; my middle child is the same age as your son. You are absolutely right to be concerned , involved, and willing to do what it takes to help him, even as a single mom who is probably already stretched thin. Study after study has shown that the most important factor in a child's academic success is parents who care, and your son has that. (It is obvious just looking at your photo!)
You didn't mention specifically what he is having trouble with -- is it reading (which affects all subject areas!), math, writing, following directions, completing a task? Also, observe carefully and ask yourself, is this an educational problem or a discipline problem? Is he fooling around because he doesn't understand the work, or does he not understand because he is fooling around? (Of course, the two can feed each other right into a sort of behavioral loop...) Be very clear with him that school and learning are very important, that not turning in his work is simply not acceptable, that you expect him to pay attention and do his best every day, and that you will be checking in with his teacher regularly. And then do so. Don't wait for parent-teacher conferences. Know what his assignments are in and out of class and have him show you his work every day. Don't depend on grades to tell you how he is doing; grades can be deceptive. Instead, supervise him when he studies, look at his work and talk with him about it, be aware of what he understands and what he doesn't, and express your approval when he has worked hard or made an improvement. It is more important that he learn to face challenges, work diligently, and strive to learn than that he make "good grades"; if he *struggles*, that is *good*; what you don't want is for him to give up and become passive, and that sounds more like what you are describing.
Workbooks are helpful sometimes, but I think your time and energy may be better spent making sure the classwork/homework he already has at school is done attentively and correctly rather than adding more work. (Unless you can identify a specific problem which you can work with him on directly.) Other than that, the best thing you can do for him is to turn off the TV and the Nintendo and read aloud to him -- start with a few pages at a time and work up to chapter. Steer away from pop writing and fluff, and read classic children's literature like Treasure Island. Newberry books are great; the book Honey for a Child's Heart also has excellent suggestions. Help him check out non-fiction from the library on topics he is interested in. Talk with him about what he reads and have him tell it back to you. All this will increase his vocabulary, his attention span, and his comprehension.
If he has difficulty reading, I strongly recommend the book Reading Reflex by Carmen McGuiness. You should be able to get it at your library (if they don't have it, ask about inter-library loan, or check Amazon for a used one.) It will help you identify specific problems he may be having with reading and explains very simply how to help him overcome them. If your school doesn't do vision and hearing testing, get these checked out by your doctor.
Boys develop more slowly than girls and tend to need a lot more physical activity than girls. They are often wrongly labeled ADD or learning disabled when they are young, when what they need is a few more years to mature and integrate. (Educational specialists Raymond and Dorothy Moore wrote about this in the early eighties; their books are still in print, and many more recent books have addressed the topic of boys.) Ironically, our country was a great deal more literate back in the days when children were kept home doing chores and learning practical skills until the ripe old age of nine or ten before being expected to learn to read and write. I'm not suggesting that you keep him him home -- but you can provide opportunities for him to actively engage his mind and body outside school. Lots of physical activity and active play, learning to cook or do repairs, building models or working with an erector set, and doing chores and taking on responsibilities are exactly how he needs to fill his time.
Best wishes to you both!
Rebecca
Reply from:
Kid Angel
Date: Oct 12, 2008 at 2:57 pm
Hi Mommyloves jo00,
I hear your frustration Mom and know that you are truly an invested parent that wants nothing more then get to the bottom once and for all of why your child is not succeeding in school. I used to be a 3rd grade teacher so I can tell you that this is the last grade that we as educators call a primary grade. By the end of 3rd grade a student should have a firm foundation of all skills needed in order to layer more skills in the coming grades. By the sounds your post and this is written from the viewpoint that he has no diagnosed learning disability, then I take the stance that what your child is suffering from is a lack of an adequate foundation that is hindering him from being able to layer new skills properly. These are called "skills gaps" and can only be remedied by a "supplemental educational" program that is designed to first assess the student to see what foundations are missing and then to design a program to fit that need. Schools run on a "curriculum" that word comes from a Latin root that means "to move forward" and that is what schools do. They are not designed to go backward and pick up these skills. As a former teacher I cannot say that the 1 to 2 weeks in the beginning of the school year that most teachers will inter-mingle a review with the new work for that year is adequate enough to pick up all skills missed by students over the years. It’s more or less a review to stir out the cobwebs from the summer months. Once students have struggled for 2 or more years it is a common occurrence that their self-esteem is lowered and their self-confidence is weak. Poor academics in theory go hand n' hand with poor self-esteem and self-confidence.
Of course I would also agree with getting him tested for LD's, however, I find it hard to believe that you had not mentioned in your post that none of his teachers had suggested testing? I have been involved in more IEP meetings than I care to remember as not all were great experiences. Once the school "team" meets with you and if it is decided that indeed your child does have an "LD" and the school "team' will address the needs, then Mom it will be up to you to STAY ON TOP" of it. IEP's should be reviewed every quarter to make sure that the program design is working. That is the only way to guarantee that you are getting the best results possible for the needs of your child.
My intent was to give you another possible position to look at. I would also suggest that you contact your pediatrician for a referral to a psychologist that can do the testing in house. Your pediatrician may also wish to do a complete physical to rule that out. Most schools are 3 to 6 months behind on IEP testing. This is a general statement, if your child attends a smaller school he may be able to get tested sooner thru the school.
If I can be of any further assistance to you just post and ask. Stay strong, you will get to the resolution.
I’m in your corner!
Barbara Antinoro
Educational Counselor
Kid Angel Foundation
Education.com Team
Reply from:
princess dixon Date: Oct 29, 2008 at 11:10 am
When I was in school (pre-k - college) I all ways had a problem in reading and writeing. They put me back in 1st grade. All the test and quizzes all thrugh school was hard for me. To help your son is to get big words in book, us all picture for the words, And say the words out lord and let him look at the picture like 100 time. For 15 to 30 min a day because is will help him out all thrugh school, And let him be hand on all the time.
I'm 24 in college and I had to fold out for my self the hard way.
keep loving your son all ways.
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