Middle School bullying

Hi, I couldn't figure out which group to join with my question so please forgive me, this is the largest group.  I mentored a 3rd grader in Orlando who is severly economically challenged.  She is actually really smart and excels in school and sports.  She is now 13 and going into the 8th grade next year.  her b-day is in Nov and she wants something that can help her with school.  I can't afford a laptop for her--is there anything anyone would recco for a smart but challenged 13 year old?  THANK YOU!

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hi Dee.
your daughter is very lucky to have you for a mother, and lucky that the school cares. i went through it all from the time i was 11 to the time i was 17 (last year). my school didnt care, simply made things worse, then ignored them. and i stopped telling my mother, once it became clear she couldnt cope. now ive moved myself halfway round the world to sort things out and discovered that im traumatised. hopefully things are going better for your daughter now! and the best thing you can do is always be there for her whether she needs to laugh or cry.

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i have gone though it.........infact im still going trough it so i can help you if u have questions

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Hi Me,

Middle school can be rough, however it sounds like you are doing all the right things to help your daughter. Working with your daughter's school and listening and being sensitive to her feelings are very important steps.

Education.com is an excellent source on bullying, with information on everything from the causes of bullying to solutions and recent research.  The link to this information is:
http://www.education.com/reference/topic/TeenYears_MiddleYears_Bullying/

A particular article that might be helpful is:

http://www.education.com/reference/article/Ref_Bullying_Your_Child_2/

This article lists tips on things she can do if bulling begins.  It might be helpful to go through some of these tips together so she feels confident that she has concrete steps she can take in different circumstances.  For example, talking with her about how to use the buddy system may reduce some of her fears.

This is a hard situation, but in the first few days of school it can be difficult to judge what to expect, so just try to take it day by day. The most important thing is to continue an open dialogue with your daughter about her feelings and what is happening at school.

Good luck!
Kelly

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I am hoping the coming school week will be a better one.  We are working with her teachers and with the Guidance office at school to prevent further bullying.
Thank you so much Kelly for all of the great information.  I have read the information and have it bookmarked.  Thanks so much for your reply and your help.   Dee

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Hi Kelly,

Article suggested by you is really usefull.

Thanks.
Hardik

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Hi Me Dee.... I am new here as well. I acutally joined because I wanted to see if you had any solutions that may work for me!!!  I am going through some tough times for the second year in a row... the school is of no help to me.   They acutally put them in a room together and now she is labeled as a tattle tale that runs to mommy. Does your daughter like to write? I found that a journal has helped my daughter and I also found her a penpal that is going through the same problems. Unfortunately she has no friends in school so I am trying to find outside activites for her to make friends. Its difficult with my schedule but I am trying to find ways to boost her self esteem. Goodl luck and feel free to email me , maybe we can help each other find some solutions!   Heidi

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Hi Heidi,


Gosh I am so sorry to hear that the school is of no help.  The penpal idea sounds like a good one.  My daughter also has a journal which helps her express her feelings.  My daughter only has a few friends at school, not very many at all.  I am also looking into things outside of the school like our church youth group. She has been so affected by the verbal bullying she spent most of the summer in the house.

Thankfully, I have been lucky that the school has been willing to help.  I must admit though that is has been exhausting, writing lots of letters, meeting with Guidance and meeting with and calling teachers.  In my daughter's situation, because she was so traumatized, they worked with us and tried to put some friends of my daughter's in some of her classes and not put the ring leaders of this awful clique in any of her classes. They do not typically do this but last year was so bad for my daughter she was coming home sick from school and her grades were affected.  She also has ADD which doesn't help matters.  Unfortunately this year in two of her classes there are a few people that picked on her last year so I have been speaking to Guidance and the teachers.  She came home sick the second day of school even though none of those kids even talked to her.  I have had to write letters or call almost all of her teachers and explain her situation.  Thankfully, they have all been cooperative after hearing about her being bullied last year.  It got so bad at one point last year during a marking period when her friends had health that 7 or 8 girls were targeting my daughter in gym and they tormented her daily.  She was totally alone and she finally talked to me in detail about it.   She was terrified to go to gym every day and there were days she came home physically sick.  The school had no choice but to do something.

I have had to be a total advocate for my daughter and sometimes that is what has to be done.  I am at the point where if any of these kids bother my daughter again I am going to threaten their parents with a lawsuit.  I am hoping it doesn't come to that.  Today is Day 4 and I am hoping things go smoothly today.  I hope this week is going okay for your daughter too.  Sorry so long a post.  It's just been such an ordeal with her.  I have spent nights awake and shed many tears.  I am praying this year will be a better one.  Please feel free to write me any time and let me know how things are going.    Take care.  Dee
Administrators, please delete the other post.  Thanks so much.

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Hi Dee,

As a former teacher, I see this all the times in school. One year I had a student who started having panic/anxiety attacks in school because a boy was being verbally and physically abusive. It is so refreshing to see that your daughter has an advocate in you. Again, as a former teacher I know that teachers are fed-up with bullying. It is so hard to see in girls, because many aren't "bullies" in the tradional sense. There is a whole new world of bullies. Many girls are manipulative and are sneaky about their bullying.

I hope you have found some our articles helpful. You can find some great references in the following site:
http://www.education.com/reference/middleyears/

All of the categories under Sub-Topics look relevant to your plight. I wish you the best. If you have any other concerns or questions please continue to post them!

Peace, Michael

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Thanks Michael for your reply.  I really appreciate the information and I have bookmarked the links I've been given here.  It so much rings home when you mentioned the girls.  They are some of the nastiest bullies I have ever seen.  This is what my daughter has been dealing with.  There were a few nasty boys but the majority of them are girls.  I actually went as far as to send an anonymous letter to the School Board and the Super Intendant of Schools regarding bullying.  I gave them websites with articles on how girls bully with their alienation tactics, verbal insults and alienation.  I also gave them websites about programs on bullying.  I still have yet to hear of them implementing any new programs but it's only the 2nd week of school.  Today was another good day for my daughter and with all the letters and conversations with the teachers and working with the Guidance office I am hoping the rest of the year will be much better then last year.  I'm so glad I found this website.  Thanks so much for your help.   Dee

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