Aspergers and Anger

Tammy,
I am having the same issues and I am glad to hear we are not alone... We just don't know what to do either and the problem is getting worse by the minute! Home isn't the problem, but we don't have any other kids. Behavior at school is OUT OF CONTROL and we just don't know where to go from here. I know you posted this a while ago, how are things now? What have you done to help? What resources were helpful? Suggestions?

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Sounds like this is a very frustrating time. How old is your child? Do you have an IEP or 504 Plan? If so, what kind of supports and/or strategies have been implemented in your child's classroom? If the school personnel have not already tried it, you should ask about Applied Behavior Analysis or a Behavior Analysis to target some of the more troublesome behaviors that your child is exhibiting. For more on this, see:
 
http://www.education.com/reference/article/Ref_Autism_Learning/#ABA
 
Also, it is very important that your child is in a very structured environment, including a relatively consistent schedule posted on the blackboard or elsewhere. Your child should be reminded and prepared for transitions at least two times, five and two minutes before the upcoming transition. Finally, your child should have a place that he or she can go to in the classroom or on campus where they can calm themselves when they are feeling overwhelmed and frustrated.
 
Hope that helps!
 
L. Compian, Ph.D.
Education.com Expert Panel

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I hope somebody sees this and can direct me to the right source.  My son is 13.  He was diagnosed with Aspergers at age 9.    He was a premie, so his preschool behavior and delays were blamed on that.  Then we went to "rule out PDD", or in other words, "we don't know".  Finally came Aspergers, and I was relieved.  At least there was a name for it.  But that diagnosis doesn't fit perfectly either.  I had to fight to get the school to recognize the AU label in order to increase is benefits.  He has and IEP and BIP, but he has had violent outbursts most of his life.  Now they are calling it assult.  Last year the charges were dropped when I had him placed in an out patient behavioral facility and removed from school.  This did not help him.  This year I was told after a recent assault that charges will be pressed next time.  I have to admit that I feel that I am a henderence to his mental stability as much as the school.  I have other children and, pretty much, no routine.  His fixations are non-productive and prevent him from learning important new skills.  After 13 years, I am exhausted.  He is getting bigger, and I'm afraid that he could really hurt someone.  I do not believe the public school is the right place for him, but the school says he's doing fine.  I'm afraid he is going to end up in a juvenille detention or prison later.  I need an advocate to help me find all the benefits he is entitled to.  I would like him to be in a private school that could teach academics as well as life skills.  I need someone to help me with the school, legal rights, parenting.....everything.   I just can't seem to find it.  Every organization I contact says that they can't help but they give me a lot of phone numbers and web sites.   I used to be strong, but I'm worn down now.  I have to get some help.  

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Do Aspies ever get over the anger and aggression?  I have a 15 year old daughter and I am about ready to call it quits.  We can only get a 504 at school, she really needs help with communication and reading.  They keep telling us that all they have to do is to keep her comfortable.  She sometimes is in a rage when she get to the car.  She has been out for the summer, and she does not want to go back.  We do not quilify for any help anywhere.  Any Ideas?  We have a parent support group once a month, she need something not me.  Most of the parents that come have little children and have no idea what might go one in their child's future.

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Dear Mustard,
 
I'm sorry to hear that you and your daughter have had such a frustrating experience with the school. Your post mentions a couple of big issues that are affecting your daughter's feelings about her return to school.
 
First, I am curious to know what kinds of accommodations the school is currently providing for your daughter under the 504 plan. I don't particularly agree with their assessment that their only responsibility is to make her comfortable. Section 504 ensures that the child with a disability has equal access to an education, which, to me, means more than "comfort". I believe that your daughter's services and accommodations at school may need to be reconsidered. When was the last time that her 504 plan was re-evaluated? Has she been formally tested?
 
Many students with Asperger's benefit from a Functional Behavioral Assessment that may help identify times and places throughout the day that serve as triggers for frustration and anger. For more on this, see the below article:
 
Functional Behavioral Assessment
http://www.education.com/reference/article/Ref_Approp_Behav/
 
In addition to revisiting her 504, you may want to do a little extra legwork at home, and with the school, to make the transition back to school go more smoothly. Here is another great article on preparing your daughter for the new school year:
http://www.udel.edu/bkirby/asperger/adreon_bts.html
 
Some parents find it helpful to write a letter to each of their child's teachers "educating" them about their child and their unique needs. See here for a great example: http://www.pattyrbashe.com/LetterofIntroduction.htm
 
Here is an article that may be useful to give to your daughter's teachers, as well, as part of a packet: http://www.udel.edu/bkirby/asperger/as_student_can.html
 
Finally, I do believe that you and your daughter would benefit from some additional support. If the school does not have any counseling or groups available for your daughter (check to see if they do), you should look to your community. There are typically plenty of low-cost services available. Check the following site for providers in your state:
 
http://www.maapservices.org/Prof_and_Parent_Support.asp
 
And, here is a book that many parents of children with Asperger's have found useful: No More Meltdowns by Dr. Jed Baker.
 
Hope that helps!
 
L. Compian, Ph.D.
Education.com Expert Panel

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I too have a son with Asperger.  He is very angry and pitches wall-eyed fits all day long.  He attacks throws stuff, cusses, hits and kicks, acts like he will attack us, has hit people, and fights against restraints.  We are overwhelmed and at a loss to figure out what to do with him and how to help him.
 
Until just recently we thought the anger was attributed to his Bipolar disorder.  We have tried treating it with various medications (to no avail) on that premise.
 
Looking at these postings I see the perfect picture drawn of my son in all these descriptions of unbearable problems.
 
I is good to know I am not alone.  
I also feel very sad for him because he feels so terrible with all the upheaval in his world...full of caoss.
 
My concern is not only for his anger now, but what about in the future?
 
My son was arrested this month - he is 11 years old.  He bit a teacher when she restrained him and she pressed charges.  In fact, this was at a school specifically for emotionally disturbed children.
 
If we can't get our children's emotions in check, what are they to do when they grow up.  Hopefully they will not end up in jail for things they cannot control.
 
I especially appretiated the insight from the adult Asperger.  If we can just get them over this hump, perhaps they will have some chance at being a contributing adult in our society, or at least one that is not in jail.
 
Thanks to everyone who offered websites and information.  We are alone outhere, many of us, and we need resources and other knowledge.
 
 
I hope others will benefit from these postings with the extra info.  They have helped me to feel not so alone.

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Wow! My 16 year old is the same, angry outbursts, threatens, etc. he'll be 17 next week and the outbursts arent as often.  I don't know if he's outgrowing it or what I tried worked.  When he first started doing it i would restrain him then he got to big for that (lol) then I would try to ignore him thinking if I didnt react maybe he would stop. To be honest I was a little afraid of him.  But one day I just got tierd of feeling like that and realized he was controlling the situation. So I took control back I would tell him about how inappropriate his behavior was and if he didnt stop I would take his x box cord, internet, tv etc.  at first he would say he didnt care it didnt matter he would just go to sleep but after awhile it actually started to work it hasn't completley stopped but I can say there are no longer any threats or violence, just a bad attitude.  All I can do is hope and pray that he one day he can become a productive member of society, not another statistic.

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Hi, I am 54 years old and only recently learned I have aspergers.  It has helped me to understand why life is been so difficult.  

My anger stems from not understanding things.  It develops out of frustration -of not understanding why things are as they are.  

I never realized I saw things differently from everyone else and even now that I know it, it still does not help me to actually see things as most of the world does.  It simply makes me aware that there is at least a reason for my frustration.

Examples of frustration for me is knowing that someone is telling a lie and realizing there is nothing I can do about it.  Or not understanding why someone else does not understand me when I believe that I have communicated clearly.  I get frustrated and angry when I cannot fix things immediately, but instead have to wait a while, such as when receiving mail on a Saturday and knowing I cannot contact the business until the following Monday.  

Logically, I know I am blowing things out of proportion, but do not know how to prevent this from happening.

Perhaps this can help parents to understand what is going on inside their child.  The only difference in my frustration and anger now and back when I was a child is that it arose because of more child like issue, but that does not change the fact that  I have reacted in the same manner my entire life.

My feeling is that if someone can help an aspie to calm down and understand their feelings and that those feelings are ok to have, perhaps that would help.  Also, I try to think about a worse case scenario and then realize that even in that scenario it really isn't the end of the world.  

I know that at my age, I can at least be reasoned with most of the time, and realize that may not be easy to do with a child.  It helps me immensely to know that someone will listen to me and help me to calm down and attempt to view things from another perspective.

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My son has Aspergers and is 9yrs old. He has was diagnosed a yr ago. When my son get angry he has to be by himself, otherwise he will hurt someone or say mean things. He plays computer/video games or reads a book. Being able to go into a fantasy world seems to help him. We are having a hard time convincing him to be by himself, though, because he has to say fully what is on his mind. This leads to him screaming it from his room which is a problem because his younger sibs are learning some not so great ways to talk to parents. We are really struggling with his anger issues and I am glad we are not the only ones. We have the most trouble at home and not so much at school since it is structured at school. We have tried to get him to hit a pillow, or draw. Definitely not raising my voice AT ALL helps because it just seems to fuel his fire when I raise my voice to talk over him or to get on to him. I try to remain VERY calm and give him simple direct orders. HE may not kick or throw things, He may not tear up anything. He may play games, read a book, or draw to calm down. He may not leave the room until he can talk in a calm voice and act in a calm manner. It doesn't always work. I welcome any other suggestions.
 
Frustrated with my Aspie,
 
Jena

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I understand your frustration. I do have hope to offer, though! I have found a website with supplements that can help decrease the anger by balancing the neurotransmitters in the brain. www.natureshospital.com. a few of the ones that helped us are: neurorelaxer (they are the only company with this complex and complete formula--I have tried others), Chewable enzymes and tryphtophan. I like the products from this sight because they are very pure and all natural.

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