Keeping a 16 year old moving in a positive direction...

I am looking for advice on how to keep a 16 year old moving in a  positive and healthy direction.   He was acting out, eating junk, and missing school until he turned around this past year at a boarding school.  He is now playing sports, behaving and made the honor role! How can I  help encourage him to stay on this course?
Reply from: Laura Compian Date: Jun 27, 2007 at 4:54 pm

First, how wonderful that this young man has benefited from the boarding school "intervention"! Hooray! So, what comes next?
 
In general, I typically advise parents to adopt a parenting approach that includes a combination of structure/limits with mounds of love and warm responsiveness. Essentially, I'm referring to firm and consistent rules and restrictions (and agreement among caregivers!) mixed with a generally warm and approachable stance. For example, with a 16 y.o., this means firm rules about use of the car (e.g., only borrow for travel to and from soccer practice), consistent consequences each time these rules are broken (e.g., no use of car for a week), BUT balanced with loving communication (e.g., What was great about today? What was hard about today?).
 
This approach to parenting is also known as an authoritative parenting style. Research shows that this style of parenting is beneficial for the multitude of families in terms of child and adolescent emotional and behavioral adjustment. Authoritative parenting spans children across age groups, but the exact approach should be adjusted for developmental appropriateness. Okay, we've just scratched the surface! Good luck!
 
Other opinions?

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Reply from: Brenda Melton Date: Jul 15, 2007 at 7:06 pm

What a great to begin -- he is staying on course!! As a parent, it is very clear that you are proud of your son and his accomplishments. You may want to have him reflect on what mmade the difference in his life and how he made the changes happen. The next step would be to have him talk (and you listen) to what he plans to do in the coming year:
Example, On a scale of 1 to 10 (ten being the best), where are you now? Wow! What have you done to make this happen? Where would you like to be in the next three months? (on the scale of 1 to 10)

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