Helping Your Kindergartener Make Friends

Friendship issues affect kids of all ages, but can be especially disheartening for kindergartners. Entering kindergarten, kids have dreams of independence, learning and friendship. When friends don't come easily, some children get discouraged and their previous excitement about school turns into anxiety. 

When your child is having trouble making friends, it may be difficult to find ways to help. Parents need to walk a thin line between supporting their children and taking too much control. While you want to remedy your child's immediate desire to have friends, you also want to give children the tools to make friends on their own.

The ideas below will help your child develop immediate friendships while fostering social skills that will be invaluable in the future! 

Role-Play Help your child navigate the road to friendship by role-playing various social situations. Pretend to be a child playing a game. Have your child come to you and ask, "Excuse me, can I play with you?" Take it one step further and have your child continue by asking, "What can I do in this game?" Sometimes children give an automatic "yes" to others who ask to play without providing guidance about to how to play. This second question is key and will ensure that your child does not get left behind.

Classmates are Friends Start to refer to your child's classmates as "friends." For example, instead of saying, "Which child do you sit next to?" ask "Which friend do you sit next to?" This may seem awkward at first, but after time your child will pick up on the underlying message that all of his or her classmates are potential friends. They will begin to use this vocabulary as well and will soon be mentioning all the "friends" they have in class. Though this may seem superficial, small children take words very seriously and will begin see their class as a community of friends instead of just a group of students.

Talk to Your Child's Teacher Find a time to meet with your child's teacher one-on-one to discuss your concerns. At the beginning of the school year, teachers are just beginning to get to know their students. Gently mentioning your concerns will help your child's teacher make an extra effort to encourage friendships by pairing buddies up to work together or facilitating a cooperative game at recess.

Set up Play Dates and After-School Activities With 20 or more children around at all times, school can be overwhelming. Some children tend to withdraw from groups but play wonderfully one-on-one. If your kindergartner is having difficulty making friends at school, talk to your child about which classmates might be great potential friends. Arrange play dates with these children. Once children gain experience with each other in an intimate setting, their friendship will easily transfer to a larger school setting.

After-school activities can also be a great opportunity for your child to make friends. If you have a budding artist on your hands, sign your child up for a clay or painting class. If you have a sports-obsessed child, find a sports team for your kindergartener to join. Ask other parents of kindergartners if their children would like to participate as well. For some children, a small, structured setting is the perfect environment for friendships to bloom.

When helping your kindergartner to make friends, it is important to keep the lines of communication open. Make sure your child knows that you are always there to help but try not to force your child to talk (there's no need to make this a bigger issue than it needs to be). Keep checking in with your kindergartner to assess how social relationships are developing as time passes. Lastly, be patient— building strong friendships takes time, but hopefully they will last a lifetime!