Preparing for a Successful Parent-Teacher Conference

Most parents are aware of the importance of good communication between themselves and their child’s teacher, and the parent-teacher conference is a prime example of when both parties are geared up for communication. But, especially as a parent, it's important to go into a conference prepared.

Here are a few things to think about ahead of time, and tips on handling parent-teacher conferences successfully.

Which Questions Should I Ask?

Before the conference, write a list of questions, mark those that are most important to you, and ask these first, in case you run out of time. A few ideas of things to ask include:

• What is being taught? Write down the topics, and find out about ways to support this learning from home.
• What are my child’s specific strengths and weaknesses? National Board certified teacher Angie Parmentier suggests that parents ask for detailed answers. “Not just the typical, ‘Math is a weakness,’ but things like, ‘He has trouble with number sense and I notice that he still has to use fingers for simple addition.” This gives you specific information, and lets you know exactly what skills to work on at home.
• How much time should my child be spending on homework? If your child spends a lot more or less time, the work may not be at the appropriate level for him. 
• Does my child get along well with others, and does she seem to have any close friends?

• Have you noticed changes in the way my child acts, such as squinting, tiredness, or moodiness? These can be signs of physical problems that you may need to be aware of.
• Is my child in different classes or groups for different subjects? If yes, ask which classes or subjects, how the groups are determined, and if a different teacher or assistant teaches him during this time.

• What skills and knowledge will my child be expected to master this year?
• Is my child working up to his ability?
• How can I help my child do better in school?

It's likely that the teacher will have a few questions for you as well. National Board certified teacher Erika Acklin says, “Above all else, parents should be honest with their child’s abilities. No one knows your child like you!”

What if the Teacher and I Don’t See Eye-to-Eye?

As much as you would love to agree with our child’s teacher 100% of the time, there may be occasions when you will disagree. Knowing that this is possible, start the meeting by saying something positive. Complimenting the teacher on her ability to interest your child in science, or thanking her for a nice note will help to set a positive tone, just in case you don’t see eye-to-eye later in the meeting. If this happens, express your concerns immediately and respectfully. School Psychologist Erin L. Enyart, Ed.S., says that “If a teacher expresses to a parent that a behavioral or academic problem is present, then it is important, as a parent, to listen. Remember that they, too, spend a significant amount of time with your child.” Keep in mind that a child may behave differently, or demonstrate different academic abilities, at home and at school, which may account for your difference of opinion.

In order to find a solution that meets the needs of your child, you will need to explain why you disagree. State your views in a manner that does not accuse the teacher. Rather than saying, “Why didn’t you tell me my son is in time-out during recess every day?” say, “I was not aware that he was spending recess in time-out. What can we do to help him manage his behavior better?”

A willingness to work together to solve issues in school should unite parent and teacher with a common interest. “However," explains Enyart, "if a disagreement persists, the parent may want an impartial party to join the conference, such as an administrator.”