Mr. Teacher

New Holiday Classics

by John Pearson

Merry Christmas everyone! Once again, I have the honor of having a column run on Christmas Day. That means one of two things. Either I am very special and worthy of this honor, OR this column will never be read because people are too busy opening presents and eating turkey today.

Regardless, I figured that since today is Christmas Day, it might be a good idea to think of some new holiday songs that kids could sing with their parents and teachers around this time of year. I don’t want to reinvent the wheel here, so I’m keeping old familiar tunes and melodies and just updating the lyrics.

First, may I present “Deck the Walls.” (to the theme, duh, of "Deck the Halls")

Deck the halls with tests and papers, fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la.

The best fruits of pupils’ labors, fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la.

Show the way to make the grade, fa-la-la la-la-la la-la-la.

Just be sure it’s student made, fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la.

Dare I say this one is sure to be a hit with the fans of rubrics and student profiles…

Next up is one that should sound familiar to anyone who works with kids – “Hark, the Tattling Angels Sing” (to the theme, again duh, of "Hark, the Herald Angels Sing".)

Hark, the Tattling Angels Sing,

Little Billy is skipping.

I was first, he was behind me,

Punish him, I thank you kindly.

Here’s one for the kids to sing on their way to the cafeteria (to the theme of "Jingle Bells"):

Lunchroom smells, lunchroom smells, must be pizza – YAY!

Oh what fun it is to eat the same thing every day, OH!