Cyberbullying
by Lisa Medoff
Dear Dr. Medoff,
I was picking up my sixth-grade daughter at school and heard the teacher talking to another parent about something called “cyberbullying.” I never heard that term before, but I guess it means bullying over the internet. Is this another problem that I have to worry about? From, Carol
Dear Carol,
Cyberbullying is a fairly broad term that usually refers to a child being harassed or embarrassed by another child, not only by means of email or instant messaging, but also through text messaging or postings on social networking pages. The bullying can range from general insults, such as “You’re dumb!” to promises of exclusion (“Don’t expect us to talk to you at school tomorrow”), and even to threats of serious physical harm.
Cyberbullying does not simply include sending mean emails or text messages. It can also include behaviors such as, but not limited to, creating fake profiles in your child’s name on social networking sites, posting cruel comments about your child on his own or others’ pages, sharing your child’s contact information in conjunction with sexual solicitation, or forwarding emails that your child believed were for private communication. Unfortunately, unlike face-to-face bullying, your child may not even know the bully’s real identity in cases of cyberbullying.
A one-time joke by friends, or even gentle teasing, is probably not cause for concern, and is something that you should let your child handle on her own (with your coaching, of course), just as you would in cases of face-to-face teasing. However, if the bullying continues, you need to take steps to address it, both in terms of helping your child learn to cope with the bullying, as well as in terms of contacting the school, or even the police, if necessary.
Just as it is impossible to protect your child from other forms of bullying, it is not realistic to think that you could completely insulate your child from being a victim of cyberbullying. Instead, teach your child how to cut down on the chances of being a victim, and how to deal with cyberbullying if it does happen to her. Here are some ideas for how to do that:
- Tell your child not to share her passwords with anyone, even her current best friend.
- Talk to your child about sharing personal information, whether it is about your family, her emotions, or behavior in which she has engaged. Discuss what it means to be in a relationship where you trust (and are trusted by) the other person. Encourage her to take a second to think before she shares anything personal. How does she know she can trust this person? How would she feel if this information were to be shared amongst her group of friends or with others at school?
- Tell your child to think about what she writes in an email, posts on a seemingly private website, or text-messages to someone. Would she be upset or embarrassed if others saw what she wrote? If so, she should not send it. Teach her to wait for a certain period of time before sending or posting any message that she has written while angry, upset, or excited.
- On a similar note, help her learn to think about her response to others who are trying to provoke her online. If she feels the need to respond immediately, have her write down her response by hand or in a word processing document. She can get her feelings out, but will not be taking rash action that she might later regret. You are helping her learn an important lesson about emotional control and anticipating consequences.
- Help her understand that joking or sarcasm does not usually come off the same in writing as it does in person. Could something that she has written as a joke be taken the wrong way?
- Talk to the teachers and administrators at your child’s school to see if there is a policy on dealing with cyberbullying. Even though cyberbullying may be seen as a private matter, its negative effects will definitely be seen in children’s behavior and mood while at school, thereby impacting academic performance. Consider forming a committee whose purpose is to educate parents, students, and teachers on issues surrounding cyberbullying.
- It is easier to switch roles from being the victim to the bully (and then back again) in cyberbullying than it is when children are interacting face-to-face. Be vigilant about your child bullying others, as well. Make sure that your child knows that you have a zero-tolerance policy in your home if you find out that she is involved in cyberbullying that includes loss of cell phone and web privileges. Help your child understand the consequences of his or her actions, both in terms of possible legal outcomes and emotional harm to others.
Parents, I encourage you to share any other tips that you have found to be helpful!
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