Ask the Child Psychologist

Developmental Milestones

Dear Dr. Medoff,

My first child just started preschool. I find myself constantly worried about whether he is developing on schedule when it comes to his ability to think and reason. Can you give me some ideas about what to expect in the next few years? From, Judy M., Chicago

The first thing that you need to understand is that development occurs along a continuum. When you read about a specific age that a certain phenomenon is supposed to happen, keep in mind that most of the time you are reading about the average age of occurrence – most children will meet that milestone either a few months before or a few months after. In most cases, the only time that you should be concerned is when all of the other kids of a similar age have shown a particular development and your child shows no signs at all. If this situation occurs, write down your specific concerns, and visit a physician for answers to your questions. If your doctor concludes that your child is developing normally, but just a little slowly, do not push your child. Let him develop at his own pace – putting pressure on him to do something that his body or brain is not ready for can only create stress for the both of you.

Here are some common developments that tend to happen during the preschool years:

• Preschoolers’ memory improves, but is still inconsistent. They may remember all of the names of the animals in the zoo they visited today, but forget where they put their shoes. However, they get better at remembering what they did yesterday, and can apply that memory to what they should or should not do today and tomorrow. Memory also helps them want to make their own choices. They remember what they liked having for lunch yesterday, and can ask for it again. Encourage this development by offering simple choices as often as possible.

• They can also imitate behaviors that they have previously seen - be aware that they are always watching you, and your current behavior may very well pop up in a new situation (usually where you would least like to see it!).

• Attention span lengthens. Children can sit and listen for an increasingly longer time. They will also work on projects or games for longer, but be aware that they may get frustrated quite easily, or merely lose interest. Help them express frustration verbally, instead of physically.

• Because they have a better sense of time, they can make use of patience. They can understand that you will go out for ice cream after dinner, and do not continue to insist on having it right now. Help them develop their patience by not giving in to a bit of whining; on the other hand, help them develop trust in adults by always following through.

• It is not until about the age of five that preschoolers start to understand the difference between thinking and actions, separating the reality of the outside world from what is happening in their heads. They also get increasingly better at regulating their own behavior because they can understand that what they want is not necessarily what others around them want.

• During the later years of preschool, their thinking also becomes more logical, so fears that may have seemed irrational to adults start to fade. Around the age of six, children become very interested in the properties of the outside world, and have a better understanding of cause and effect. The word, “why?” becomes a catchphrase, so help them develop logical thinking by being patient with explanations. If you do not know the answer to their question, show them how to find out.

The best way to help your preschooler develop good reasoning and thinking skills is to expose them to a variety of experiences – take walks, visit children’s museums, and be a constant guest at your local library. Explain as much of your own thinking process that they can understand. Read to them constantly - talk about how situations in the books came about, and what the characters might be thinking. Take all questions seriously, and answer them to the best of your ability.