And Then There's Dad

Tiny Resume

by Gary Drevitch

Here in New York City, where there's intense competition for limited slots in private nursery schools and kindergartens--and more than a few public programs as well--admissions directors have been complaining of the lengths parents have gone to with the hope of selling their children to schools. If the stories are to be believed, a number of striving parents have hired freelance consultants to write admissions essays, prepared DVDs and other multimedia packages, and a few of them have even created resumes for their two- and three-year-old children. One admissions officer, however, told a local paper that a toddler resume is a “huge black mark” against a family. I certainly wish they had told me that before I went to the trouble of preparing this CV for my four-year-old daughter:

Participant in five-mornings-a-week day camp. Showed exceptional ability in finger-painting. (Portfolio available upon request.) Never “started it.” (See attached affidavit from head counselor.)

Student in three-day-a-week academic program. Separated easily (if not eagerly) from parents. Regularly filled entire paper with crayon drawings. (Digital scans available upon request.) Regularly outraced classmates to meeting area, and consistently sat “criss cross apple sauce” style. (Can be confirmed by instructor upon request.)