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specialrissa
specialrissa asks:
Q:

My 11 year old daughter wants to have sex

I was going thru an old cell phone my daughter had been using take sure there was nothing important on it before I wiped the memory. As I opened the to - do list, I found that she had written that she wanted to make this certain boy fall in love with her and have sex by a particular date.  Needless to say, my heart dropped to the floor.  I mean, come on, she's my baby girl!
I'm not the kind of mom that is shy about talking to my kids about anything.  I had the whole birds and bees talk with both my girls when they turned 8.  We covered puberty,  periods, where babies come from, and how they should wait to have sex until they are older.  We have a very open relationship and the know they can come to me for anything, that's why this is got me at a loss.
I guess my question is, do I go the route of her friend and hope she listens, or do I dig up all the stuff I can on std's and pregnancy and scare the crap out of her?
Any advice you can offer will be of great help.  

Lost Mommy
In Topics: Communicating with my child (The tough talks)
56 days ago

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Expert

Louiseasl
Jul 3, 2014
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What the Expert Says:

Hello and thank you for writing to JustAsk!  It would seem that the first step would be another set of frank and open conversations about love, relationships, sex and potential consequences that could happen when one becomes sexually active - such as STDs and pregnancy.  However, DO validate her desire to want to have a relationship with the opposite sex, however one that is age appropriate.

In addition, there are several good books and websites that discuss tween and teen questions, including those about sexuality and maturation.

Here are some of my favorites:

American Girl - makes available out a book called "The Care and Keeping of You: The Body Book for Younger Girls" by Shaefer

Annie Fox has a number of books in a series called the Middle School Confidential. She follows up her books with an online site that is very helpful. Both of these can be found at AnnieFox.com  

This site is age appropriate and fun- let's tweens and young teens have a sense of what is "average" for their age and how to communicate with others in non-sexual ways. http://yoursphere.com/welcome

Good luck!









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Boys Town National Hotline
This is a difficult decision to make for a parent. You have already covered the basics with the physical aspects of puberty. Now to help your daughter understand the emotional aspects of sex. It appears she wants to have attention from this boy. Take to her about making decisions that are going to affect her long term. Ask her why having sex is on the 'to do' list. This is an opportune time to help her also determine what qualities she wants in a long term relationship. Scaring her may have little effect at this age. When talking to your daughter, try to determine if this is a topic her friends and classmates are talking about.
55 days ago

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