Education.com
Try
Brainzy
Try
Plus
Morganmom04
Morganmom04 asks:
Q:

My 11 yr. Old daughter is cutting. I don't know how to help.

My (step) daughter is 11 and is cutting. She comes from a hard background (mother's drug abuse, emotional abuse, verbal abuse, growing up too young, watching jons come and go) and I don't know how to help. She is so hurt and broken inside. She went through counseling this last year, and we were so busy over the summer we missed all summer. Now, she has started cutting. She grew up taking care of her younger brother who was 3-4 at the time, (she was 6-7) while her mom did what she did. My daughter took complete care of her brother, feeding, bathing him, etc. And also protected him on a few occasions from their high as a kite mom. All the while completely neglecting herself and her own needs.  I believe she is remembering situations she suppressed when she was young. And with all the anger and resentment she already feels for her mom, these past situations are making her worse.
What do I do to help. We have had custody for almost 3 yrs. "Mom" has been gone for 2+, with no contact. My daughter has told me, I'm her mom, but she can't call me mom because it makes her feel like the "bad daughter she always was" or so her mother used to say. She has told me she wants me to adopt her, so there is no question or extra explanation, that she is MY daughter.
I know adopting her will not completely eliminate her cutting, but could it help? I need to do something to help, aside from just "being there for her"
In Topics: Cutting
> 60 days ago

|

Expert

Boys Town National Hotline
Oct 8, 2013
Subscribe to Expert

What the Expert Says:

Your daughter is cutting as away of coping with her pain. As a parent we know that this isn't a healthy coping skill and we have to try and give our children other ways to deal with our pain.

If you have worked with a counselor in the past and felt that it was helping your daughter you might want to re-connect with that counselor again.

Boys Town National Hot line
1-800-448-3000
Did you find this answer useful?
0
yes
0
no

Additional Answers (4)

KraJu
KraJu writes:
You sound like a great mom! You've been through the counseling with your daughter and gave her so much of your time.
I believe it could be okay for you if you "are" her mom that she simply calls you by your first name, because the actual word mom must have a real bad taste for her.
Don't forget to take care of you... and continue to be there, to listen, to talk to each other when you have the strenght. Maybe offer a sports activity that you support by being there at every game and no matter what results showing your commitment. If sports seems very hard for her get a blood test, maybe she has a ferric defect. I had one and believed I was a weak and lazy girl at that time of my life and then a doctor found out about the ferric defect. I received the right medicine and I felt better right away.
I wish you a happy family and a good development!
> 60 days ago

Did you find this answer useful?
0
yes
0
no
Mrbenny
Mrbenny writes:
You migh want to read the article from the link I provided. There are more related articles in the same web page that might become useful for you. I hope it helps.

Did you find this answer useful?
0
yes
0
no
Tilliemillie
Tilliemillie writes:
You need to show her that she has someone to turn to if she's ever feeling low. Which should be you. She probably wants to live a picture perfect life and have her mother to talk to if she ever is feeling low. You should show her that her secret is safe, and she can talk to you anytime she needs/wants to. I wish you and your family the best <3
> 60 days ago

Did you find this answer useful?
0
yes
0
no
webbi
webbi writes:
I fostered for a while and it is not easy.  As for adopting -  if you view her as your daughter and she is willing to go for pre-adoption meetings to ensure she wants this for good reasons then nothing should stop you.  If I were in your shoes I would try and keep the two issues apart.  
Talk to her whatever you are thinking. Let her know how much she is loved no matter what she wants.  My own daughter was encouraged by an online 'friend' to cut and we went to counselling.  The biggest help was getting her talking with her realising my rules were there for love and through talking we could compromise.  Oh and the creation of a happy box  (a show box with little things that make her smile and have good memories - including her fav sweet).  Not sure what thing worked but so far no more cutting
> 60 days ago

Did you find this answer useful?
0
yes
0
no
Answer this question