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nnoya0523
nnoya0523 asks:
Q:

My 12 year old daughter called my boyfriend Dad.

I have been divorced for 3 years.  I have 3 kids (ages 5,7 & 12), I have been friends with my boyfriend for about 3 years and about 7 months ago we started a relationship. We have become more serious and he is a big part of the kids lives. He goes to all their Tae Kwon Do practices and belt testings, he is watching them over the summer break and doing lot's of activities with them. Their dad see's them every other weekend and once a week, but really not very active.

My oldest recently started telling him that he is her daddy and hugs him. I haven't corrected her yet but don't know what to do? I know once she starts calling him Daddy everyday my two younger kids will start also. I am not sure if I should tell her to stop or should I tell her an alternate name for him or ignore it and let her be. I know my bf loves me and my kids. He also wants what is best for them.

I am not sure how to handle this situation, please help.

Thank you,

Confused Mommy

In Topics: Communicating with my child (The tough talks), Blended families, Divorce Issues
> 60 days ago

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Expert

LouiseSattler
Jul 2, 2012
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What the Expert Says:

Hello and thank you for writing to JustAsk!

As a mom, I can see how this would be quite a concern.  You wish to keep the peace with all the adult parties involved.  Often kids don't want to use the first name of an adult as they may have been raised /taught that this is too casual or disrespectful.  

One thing that comes to mind is that you may wish to sit down with your oldest or all three of the kids and your boyfriend and come up with another name that all agree upon.  Perhaps something that is special for just him and the kids! perhaps your beau has had been raised with a nickname that the kids can use.  

Thanks again for sharing. Hope this helps.

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Additional Answers (1)

ShirleyCressDudley
ShirleyCres... , Teacher, Child Professional, Parent writes:
Your kids need a mom and a dad. You didn't mention the involvement in the kid's lives of their biological dad.

It's OK for your kids to call your boyfriend "daddy" but remind them that he is a step dad who loves them very much.  

Hope that helps.

Kindest Regards,

Shirley Cress Dudley,  MA LPC NCC FACMPE
Director of The Blended and Step Family Resource Center
Author of Blended Family Advice
> 60 days ago

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