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PANDORA27
PANDORA27 asks:
Q:

My 12 year old daughter has a crush on her female teacher .. I don't know what to do !!!

My daughter's behaviour has become really nasty towards me for the last few months. She loses her temper at the slightest thing eg if i ask her to tidy her room or help fold the washing (things she would normally ask me if she can help with) I have asked her on numerous occasions if anything is bothering her, if she has any problems at school etc etc... she refuses to discuss anything with me ...then I found a letter in her school bag written to her female teacher, telling her how much she loves her, and NOT to tell anyone ..and I know that she has spoken to her friend about this (the friend told her to talk to an adult but she refuses) obviously she is really confused at the moment and I am feeling a failure as a mother as she won't confide in me !! I'm at a loss as to how to deal with this please can anyone help ??
In Topics: Teen sexuality and dating
> 60 days ago

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Expert

Wayne Yankus
Aug 18, 2011
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What the Expert Says:

Dear pandora27:

don't feel a failure. 12 year old girls and boys some times confuse feelings for same sex adults as love.  At 12 puberty and emerging sexual feelings can run the gamut. Even for children who will grow up to be gay, it still is in the "who am I?" stage.  Tell her you saw the note. Ask what that means to her without being judgmental. explain that it is normal for some one to have feelings like this and that you have noticed changes at home. Ask about inappropriate behavior with the teacher.  If she is still reticent to discuss this, give her a 24 hour "no discussion pass" but you will continue to talk after that.

Best wishes.

Wayne A. Yankus, MD, FAAP
expert panelist:pediatrics

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Additional Answers (4)

muskrateacher
muskrateacher writes:
Have you given her the impression that you would not accept her, if she were gay?
This could be a passing thing, but my first crush on a woman was at the age of five and I did not really accept that about myself until I was 22 years old.  My mother didn't make bold statements against lesbians, but she made it clear with little statements and actions and with her desire NOT to talk about that.
I'm sure you are a very good mother, but, if she is worried that you find the discussion too uncomfortable, that might hinder her openness with you.
A book that helped me was "Annie On My Mind".  Giving it to her as a gift and also reading it yourself, letting her know that you are able to discuss it with her as she reads or finishes it, could at least open up the opportunity.
I am only going from my experience growing up.  I am sure this is very difficult, as a parent.  I wish you luck, love and strength.
> 60 days ago

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PANDORA27
PANDORA27 writes:
Thankyou for your answer, it had crossed my mind that she might think or even be gay (how do I tell ? she likes boys and has had a boyfriend although I say that loosely as at 12 I think its more 'friend')and I have never given any negative comments to gay people I have always told both my girls whatever they are I would always love and support them. Neither myself or their father has a problem with gay people .. I will look into getting the book you recomended though, as it may help her figure stuff out !!.
> 60 days ago

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QAgirl
QAgirl writes:
maybe point out some guys to her that she might like if your comfortable with her dating.i thot thst i might like girls and then i  got a crush on a girl im in 6th grade its tottally normal once she gets a crush on a boy(or a girl) you and her will figure it out
> 60 days ago

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GhostKidd
GhostKidd , Student writes:
Don't worry, it's pretty common for kids/teenagers to go through that stage of crushing on the same sex. I, myself have had a crush on my female teacher but I'm completely over it and I'm in a relationship with a guy. So it may just be out of curousity or she maybe gay. Just let her know your there for her but don't be to pushy, kids hate that.
> 60 days ago

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