My 12 year old daughter has a crush on her female teacher .. I don't know what to do !!!
My daughter's behaviour has become really nasty towards me for the last few months. She loses her temper at the slightest thing eg if i ask her to tidy her room or help fold the washing (things she would normally ask me if she can help with) I have asked her on numerous occasions if anything is bothering her, if she has any problems at school etc etc... she refuses to discuss anything with me ...then I found a letter in her school bag written to her female teacher, telling her how much she loves her, and NOT to tell anyone ..and I know that she has spoken to her friend about this (the friend told her to talk to an adult but she refuses) obviously she is really confused at the moment and I am feeling a failure as a mother as she won't confide in me !! I'm at a loss as to how to deal with this please can anyone help ??
don't feel a failure. 12 year old girls and boys some times confuse feelings for same sex adults as love. At 12 puberty and emerging sexual feelings can run the gamut. Even for children who will grow up to be gay, it still is in the "who am I?" stage. Tell her you saw the note. Ask what that means to her without being judgmental. explain that it is normal for some one to have feelings like this and that you have noticed changes at home. Ask about inappropriate behavior with the teacher. If she is still reticent to discuss this, give her a 24 hour "no discussion pass" but you will continue to talk after that.
Wayne A. Yankus, MD, FAAP