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sophie.a
sophie.a asks:
Q:

12yo daughter, self harm, lies, and a worried mother

About a month ago the school called me to tell me my daughter has been turning up for school late, leaving early, and being rude in class, and they had proof of this from school CCTV. when i asked her about it, she told me that it isn't her. ok, now you know that, Kate (my daughter) was on a school camp over the weekend, and i cleaned her room because i am sick of asking her to do it herself. whilst doing this i found a number of items that made me worried about her, Threatening letters, rude photo's from older men, and a razor stained with blood. i also found other things like, mobile sim cards from a different provider to our company, and used condoms. When she returned i layed the objects out on the table in front of her, and asked her what they were, and where she got them. I didn't include the letters, or the razor in this. She informed me that the photo's and the condoms were her friends who left them here (which i did not believe),
i then asked her if she had ever harmed herself intentionly, she told me that she never had (however i know this is a lie as since we spoke i have searched her computer, and found shocking videos of her cutting herself). i am worried that she is about to kill herself, i dont want to push therapy on her, but i have reasons to believe she is lying to me, and sleeping around with older men. PLEASE help!
In Topics: Bullying and teasing, Cutting, Discipline and behavior challenges
> 60 days ago

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Expert

EdieRaether
Nov 24, 2011
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What the Expert Says:

Wait, you have a daughter who is you believe to be sleeping with older men and a may be thinking of suicide and you do not want to push therapy.  
That is very high risk.  I would prefer to deal with resistance to therapy and then read about her in the obituaries.  I am sorry to come on so strong but
I am hoping it motivates you to take action NOW....Please....get her help immediately. PLEASE. Let me know if I can help.
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Additional Answers (8)

fifenashia
fifenashia writes:
I can only imagine how scared you are right now as you attempt to deal with this. I know you said you don't want to "push" therapy on her, but it appears as though it's time to bring in a professional. Most of time, individuals "cut" as a way to release strong emotions. When combined with the suspected hyper-sexuality, it really seems as though there are some deep emotional issues that need to be addressed. I would suggest talking to your doctor or the school about resources in your particular area. Best of luck!
> 60 days ago

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sophie.a
sophie.a writes:
i hate to think i am forcing her into something, but she is getting worse by the day, i just want help
> 60 days ago

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sophmore2014
sophmore2014 , Student writes:
I hate to say this, but if you are that worried about her, she needs to go to the hospital. They will send her to the hospital for three days, it will isolate her from the world, and it may even help.
The hospital will also perscribe her depression medication, and therepy. She is cutting to soothe pain, cutting produces an adreniline that can become addictive, but she needs to find the other ways that will help her.
As for the older men, I can imagine how scared you are. I think that the sleeping around is because she has a low self esteem. Maybe those guys are making her feel special, and she thinks she has to have sex with them to make them like her. Therepy can help, but I would put her on birth control right away. There is the depo prevara (a shot every 3 months, she won't get her period) or the pill. I'd suggest the shot, it's better then having to remember to take medicine every day, and it has a better protection.
Hope I helped. Good luck.
> 60 days ago

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mimisissy
mimisissy writes:
I am speaking from the voice of experience here.  I know the heartache and worry that you are going thru.  You MUST get your daughter help before she hurts herself and everyone who cares about her.  My daughter is now 37 and on medication, but we had the same type of problems--suicide threats, promiscuity, running away, suspension from school--from the time she was about 12.  For over 20 years we saw her swing from being a loving mother and wife to disappearing for months at a time, doing any kind of drug she could find, even having 3 beautiful girls only to abandon them to their fathers.  About 5 years agao she was finally diagnosed with bi-polar and borderline schizophrenia disorders.  I'm not saying your daughter has these behavior disorders, but she certainly has some of the symptoms.  Medication, counseling, lots of prayers and mostly her willingness to face the fact that she has the disorders and needs medication and therapy for life, have made big changes in our daughter's life.   She now has her 15 yr old daughter living with her, and unfortunately she has also been diagnosed with the same disorders and ADHD on top of it.  It is hard to tell at this age what is symptomatic of the disorders and what is normal teenage behavior (if there is anything normal about teenagers!) but the symptoms you describe are extreme and can't be ignored.   PLEASE get your daughter the help she is asking for.
> 60 days ago

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shirleyok
shirleyok writes:
Get your daughter in therpay immediatey with someone who specializes in teen cutting.  You have every reason to be concerned and you should get professional help for yourself and your daughter.  You can not do this alone.  This will probably include some family therapy so be ready.  Check with your insurance to see how you can cover this cost as it will likely be a lengthy process.
> 60 days ago

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Aliechia
Aliechia , Parent writes:
At some point you need to discipline her. I understand being scared or worried that your pushing wont help. Let her decide her discipline... Say "you have a choice between grounded for a week or seeing a counselor" I would bring up going at a family. Let her express what she thinks you are doing wrong or what you can do to help!
 If she is sleeping around with older men, well she is a teenager, you can either lock her up in her room and never let her out, or you can make sure that she has all the knowledge and protection she needs to be safe. Also, have her start some after school activities. She will have a little less time on her hands to be causing so much trouble.
I hope it all works out and best of luck to you!
> 60 days ago

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LouiseSattler
LouiseSattler , Child Professional writes:
Hello,

I am sorry that I am just reading this.. but as a parent and a psychologist I would highly suggest getting her help asap. (I actually hope you already have).  A 12 year old with the above circumstances is, in my opinion, in need of intervention by trained professionals with much parent support.  

If you are at a loss where to get immediate help please call your local emergency center, hospital or library for numbers for emergency assistance for teens in crisis in your area.   I hope that you will write back with news that she is safe and on the road to recovery with professional intervention.
> 60 days ago

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sophie.a
sophie.a writes:
She seems to be happier lately, I got her into a counsellor, and it seems to be working wonders. My daughter is on medication, and I have grounded her and taken away her phone. Her school teachers have been commenting on how nice, and well mannered she has been.

I just hope things keep improving from this.
> 60 days ago

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