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glamourgirl31sc
glamourgirl... asks:
Q:

What do I do about my 13 year old daughter dating a 17 year old boy?

i have a 13 year old daughter who is getting ready to turn 14 in nov and she has this boyfriend who is 17 and i dont approve of this. i have made her break up with him stop calling texting and seeing him. at this point she HATES me she dont love me and im scared she might run away or even hurt herslef what should i do?
In Topics: Teen sexuality and dating
> 60 days ago

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Expert

Boys Town National Hotline
Mar 30, 2009
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What the Expert Says:

There is a big difference in the physical and social maturity of a 13 and a 17 yr. old.  I agree that you have reason to be concerned about your daughter engaging in a relationship with someone older than tthem especially at that age.  If you don't approve, you need to sit down and talk to her about the reasons why.  Make sure your voice tone is calm and non-accusatory.  Let her know that you're not mad at her, but are only concerned about her well-being and want to teach her what a healthy and appropriate relationship looks like.  Some excellent books to help you with that conversation can be found on the boys town press dept. website at www.boystownpress.com.  The book "Boundaries" is a great one to teach your daughter about appropriate relationships.  Another wonderful book for your daughter to read that may help explain to her about relationships is called "What's Right For Me? Making Good Choices in Relationships."  They are both excellent reference books for you and your daughter.  

It's natural that your daughter would be angry at you.  It's easy for teens to get blinded by what they think is love and feel like their life is over if that love ends.  I know it must be difficult for you right now to take the brunt of your daughter's anger.  It certainly doesn't feel good.  Know that in the long run she will understand why you made the choices you did and she will be greatful for your protection.  

Stay firm with your decision and be available for her to talk about her feelings with you when she calms down. You mentioned that you're afraid she will run away or try to hurt herself.  Has she done this in the past?  If she has a pattern of dealing with her feelings this way it's important that you keep a close eye on her and make an appointment for her to talk to either the school counselor or an outside therapist.  Even if she's just threatening to do these things to try to get you to reverse your decision, you need to get her help so she knows you take her threats very seriously.

As always, you can call our crisis line to talk to someone more about your daughter's situation at 1-800-448-3000.

Sincerely,
Boys Town National Hotline
1-800-448-3000

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