bajohnson02 asks:

Do I keep my 14 y/o daughter away from 17 y/o bf after I found out they had sex, unprotected at that!

After a lot of debate within myself, I allowed my 14 y/o daughter to date 17 y/o bf. Only at my house where I knew they were supervised. After couple months they wanted to go to his parents house, I spoke with the mom and she assured me they would NEVER be outside of her sight. I trusted the mom as well as the teens. We had many discussions about personal issues and they were very cooperative & gave me their word. In a discussion w/ my daughter I found out they had been having UNPROTECTED sex. I stopped the relationship, took her cell phone. I found out they met the other morning bfore school & had sex at park across the street, unprotected. I took her to the Dr, putting her on birth control, but still not allowing her to see him. She is crying all the time, seems depressed and I dont know what to do, do I keep them apart, or allow them to see each other at MY HOUSE only? Is she going to continue to sneak and end up getting in trouble? She has been a great kid, never in trouble, is not allowed to go to parties, games for school ect.. Please help...
In Topics: Teen issues, Teen sexuality and dating
> 60 days ago



Wayne Yankus
Sep 6, 2010
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What the Expert Says:

Dear bajohnson:

You don't owe your daughter anything.  She broke her word to you and lied. Tough love.  You will GRADUALLY return her trust when she demonstrates she is worthy.  Start by giving back the phone and monitor her texts daily. Check or delete Face Book. No phone at night in the bedroom.  Seek the other parent and ask how they feel about this behavior and discuss your concerns.  finally I would drive her to school or take the bus to avoid liaisons. Sit your daughter down and go over the new rules.  Ask your pediatrician what she thinks would be helpful if she knows your daughter.  This is a community effort to avoid pregnancy, STI's, and common sense.  The boy should also be spoken to by his parents and discuss using condoms.  Best wishes. Tell your child you accept what has happened and are behaving like a responsible parent. You have no obligation to have the boy.

Wayne Yankus, MD, FAAP
expert panelist: pediatrics

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