Dear Carebear:

You did nothing wrong. She is a teenager.  I would suggest taking the approach of taking her out to lunch/dinner and talking about relationships--how they work and about personal safety.  meet the boy with her. Invite him over and get to know him. If he refuses, use that as an indication for your daughter that this is not the kind of individual she should be with.  Talk to your pediatrician. She/he may suggest a visit to establish sexual safety and discuss concerns privately.  Tell her you want her passwords and you will be checking her cell, I Pad, computer etc..You are the parent and have all of our permission to behave like one. You are in charge--not her. Establish that this is for her safety. As far as sneaking out, use alarms, lock up, and let the police know if this is a chronic habit so they may check the meeting places. Let her know.  Finally discuss with her and your pediatrician drug use. It may be part of the problem. do not be afraid to confront your daughter about it eye to eye, non threatening, and keep the conversation to one topic only. One last possibility is to talk with his mother about your concerns. Let it come from both sides.

Best wishes with this all too common situation.

Wayne Yankus, MD, FAAP
expert panelist: pediatrics