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dollyllama
dollyllama asks:
Q:

My 14 yr old daughter is dating a 17 yr old.  How can I find out if she is sexually active? She has been lying so I can't take her word.

In Topics: Teen sexuality and dating
> 60 days ago

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Expert

Wayne Yankus
Dec 10, 2010
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What the Expert Says:

I would first ask her the question.  Even if she has a history of not telling the truth, if asked in a non-threatening way, you may get a reliable answer.  Next, trust your own judgment. Initiate a discussion of teen sexual behavior and see where it goes or comment on something on TV or the news which is a similar topic and ask her opinion.  Start a dialogue.  Best wishes.

Wayne Yankus, MD, FAAP
expert panelist: pediatrics

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Additional Answers (4)

Sanaah
Sanaah writes:
I wouldn't say whether or not she is sexually active is important. What is important is you making sure she knows how you feel about it. As long as you talk to her about the consequences, being safe, and how it affects relationships, that will be good enough. It's not your decision to make her have sex or not. 14 is really young but she will do it if she wants. That's why talking, not threatening, is the thing to do.

Sanaah
Female, 21
> 60 days ago

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Karenmom
Karenmom writes:
First, I don't think a 14 year old should be allowed to date a 17 year old.  I'm not sure that a 14 year old should be allowed to date at all.  With that said, you must find her to a responsible young lady to allow her to date at such a young age, therefore, speaking with her and treating her as the adult you have encouraged her to be, should come easily.  You should explain to her about safety and the consequences that come with sexual relationships and establish a level of trust with your child, I certainly would not allow a child that I don't trust to date.  She would need to prove her responsibility and earn your trust.  Simply ask her what it is you want to know, show each other respect and remember you are the parent but you can also be your daughter's best friend when it comes to these matters.  Best wishes to you both!
> 60 days ago

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pumking
pumking writes:
sit her down,dont shout.ask her how long has she been dating the guy,then ask her if she had sex with the guy.
> 60 days ago

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pumking
pumking writes:
sit her down,dont shout.ask her how long has she been dating the guy,then ask her if she had sex with the guy.
> 60 days ago

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