How can I help my 15 year old daughter make friends in high school? She says absolutely everyone hates her and shuns her.

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She is very smart,always making straight A's but has only had 1 or 2 good friends all her life. The friends she had were either assigned to different highschools or moved away.She is an introvert and has her own style,as she says says,"I don't want to look cookie-cutter".She is very empathetic to others even talking to the special-ed kids and others that are shunned like her.She is straight-edge(against drugs/alcohol) and a christian.She wants to remain at her present school due to the top notch art program.I have encouraged her to join groups/clubs but she says they are not going to help.All of this has led to depression which has led to her missing school somedays and more social separation from her peers.She is getting medication from a licensed pyschiatric nurse for the depression but none of the meds seem to be helping.She says the meds won't help because she just needs friends and wants to be pretty.she thinks she needs a nose job and has a very low self-esteem.she says she has no boyfriends because of her looks. I have talked to counselors,doctors,administrators at her school and to her about all of these issues and do not know what to do to help anymore!

In Topics: Self esteem and identity, Teen issues, Friendships and peer relationships

> 60 days ago

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lkauffman

Apr 30, 2010

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What the Expert Says:

I imagine it must be very difficult to see your daughter, a smart and talented young woman, struggle and doubt herself. It sounds like you have done a very thorough job of consulting with experts and finding support for your daughter. Given the kinds of things that she is saying, I think she could benefit greatly from regular talk therapy. Ask your daughter's school counselor if she has any recommendations for therapists in the community. If money is a concern, there are most some community mental health centers or university training clinics that offer sliding scale or low cost counseling. In therapy, your daughter can better understand and challenge some of the negative thoughts she has about herself and develop more positive patterns of thinking.

Workbooks are not a replacement for therapy, but there are a number of popular books for teens with depression to tackle their sad feelings. "Beyond the Blues: A Workbook to Help Teens Overcome Depression" by Lisa Schab is work a look.

Finally, reassure your daughter that you love her and will do what you can to support her. Try and find opportunities for "special time" that the two of you can share together. Take twenty minutes to walk around the neighborhood or get frozen yogurt together. It sounds like she very much values and trusts your relationship. You have clearly done a wonderful job of nurturing your relationship.

Laura Kauffman, Ph.D.
Licensed Child Psychologist
JustAsk Expert

Resources:

http://www.education.com/reference/article/Ref_Teen_Depression/

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Makino94

May 4, 2010

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from a fellow member

Im 16 and i kno wat ur daughter is going through one thing is if she wants to make friends she has to be mor open n try to be mor positive...its is mostly the main thing i hav alot of friends now cuz i do alot of sports n im known fo that and im nice towards ppls now and i kinda change alots i guess cue i was new n i hardly hav any frans for 2 years and sometime it might just me ur fault too.... one thing is as a daughter they want the moms always being on the bak leading them they hav to lead themselves too... and u dont want to bother her al ot or ask too much cuz that also annoying..... all u hav to do is just show that u care but if she wats to make friends just tell her to be mor open and try to talk to ppls and maybe a new look inside and outside on her n she's praobly being mostly negative right? lik a quiet n dark on the down side right? well she needs to change that..... cause really it 2010! acting dark n negative n on the down side aint kool anymor.... maybe it was in da late 90s but it different now! (^_^)! sorry i still type short texting ways :) and sorry if i dont make sence.... it beacuse i just say it from da head and im jsut kept typing so i might hav some areas where it dont make sence?...(o_O)? :D

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Additional Answers (2)

s2k2s writes:

Can you afford to send her to a Christian high school? and then she could attend collegiate art classes. Consider having her hormonal levels thoroughly checked, if they are off so will her self esteem. The Community Art Association may be a better fit group for her to participate. The theater can always use artistic people for background developments. Working with a community art gallery would be more suitable. Maybe she is ready to start a business of creating websites, costumes, depending on her interests. Does she have a creative mentor?

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jgran706 writes:

Joining groups is a great idea. However, the best thing I think your daughter could do is continue being kind to others around her. Most highschoolers will go against that at first, but if she is consistently acting kind toward others, they will notice that and eventually they will warm up to her. If she is a Christian, then hopefully the joy of the Lord is inside of her and trying to get out :) It's amazing what having a smile on your face can do. Encourage her at home that no matter what people are like at school she always has her family and the Lord to love and comfort her. Remember what Christ went through when He came to this earth! Hope that helps! I listed a website that is pretty helpful too.

Resources:

http://christianteens.about.com/od/advice/a/BeGoodFriend.htm

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