My 9 year old sweet, caring, smart girl has no trouble with her school work but has a BAD attitude. How can I get my daughter back?

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kmom asks:

My 9 year old daughter has a always been a sweet, caring smart little girl. She's in advanced classes and has no trouble with her school work The problem is her attitude lately. She is disrepectful to her teacher, she answers back and calls out. I know there could be a million reasons and there has to be a payoff for her in order to keep it up. She has been punished at home, losing many things that are dear to her. She has always loved school until this year and it's heartbreaking to see this change. If anyone has any idea on how I can get my daughter back, I'd greatly appreciate it!
Thank you!

In Topics: Discipline and behavior challenges

> 60 days ago

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Boys Town National Hotline

Feb 23, 2009

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What the Expert Says:

You have not lost your sweet, caring, smart 9 year old daughter. It would seem from your description of her behavior that she is seeking attention. Right now she is getting this attention from her negative behaviors. You do want her to make better choices and shift her back to the positive attention seeking. What else has changed for your daughter at school? Does she earn consequences at school for her disrespect for her teacher? Are you able to observe her at school? Setting up a motivation system is a good thing. Is she able to earn back some of her privileges if she chooses to use her impulse control, and being respectful to the teacher? Make sure that she knows she can choose to use her impulse control and be respectful. Remind her everyday how she can make good choices and be respectful while at school. She needs to feel like she is and can be good. With consistency, time, patience and consequences, her behaviors can change for the better and most importantly her negative behaviors will decrease.
If you need to talk to someone, you can call the Boys Town National Hotline at 1-800-448-3000, we have counselors available 24/7 and we talk with kids and parents about various issues. Take care and good luck!

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michaelbart... writes:

Hi Noreen,

I agree that this is a heartbreaking situation. It is great to see that your daughter is excelling academically in rigorous classes. As a teacher I know how frustrating it is to see a child go from great behavior to one that has become disrespectful. I think it is great that you have acknowledged it could be a number of reasons why this is occurring.

I would suggest the problem might lay with the teacher or certain kids in the class. Maybe the teacher isn't giving your daughter the attention she feels she deserves. Maybe she is modeling her behavior off a peer she looks up to. I would set-up a meeting with your daughter, the counselor, and her teacher. During this meeting there might come some insight into her change in behavior. The teacher might have to put her on a reward system to help control her behavior.

Just try and talk together. Let your daughter be in the meetings. She needs to know that y'all are working together to rectify this situation. She needs to hear that all of you deeply care about her! Best wishes!

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