poppin8
asks:
Q:
What does abnormal preteen girl behavior look like? What are red flags in terms of sexual and social development for a 10 yr old only child?
If a 10 year old girl who has breasts displays touching and gazes into her father's eyes while caressing his face or prefers adults to groups of peers or freaks when not the center of the attention how do you handle it? How do you handle it when it feels she is copying you (the step-mom) in terms of behavior, mannerisms, looks? My 10 year old step daughter is manipulating & passive aggressive. She also will not leave her Dad alone in social situations and is constantly trying to gain his favor. Why? How do I tell him I feel uncomfortable and I don't feel it is socially acceptable for her to caress him or have him spoon her anymore in a cuddling way that resembles the way he spoons me? Am I freaking out for no reason? She has bigger breasts than me and it is disgusting to me when they greet with kisses on the lips or when she plays with his hair and gazes into his eyes and would rather hang out with him and the adults instead of her peers. THen she goes into panic attacks and can't function and is whiney and a constant shadow. She starts middle school in September! Should I be worried? Her real mom treats her like a playmate and thinks it is cute that her daughter "stinks." She is with us every other week. She is dirty and stinky on the weeks she is not with us. I have a 7 year old daughter and do not want her being influenced. What do I do? How do I tell them this is not normal behavior! PLEASE GIVE ME SOME ANSWERS AND PROOF!!!
In Topics:
Recommended Books, Communicating with my child (The tough talks)
> 60 days ago
What the Expert Says:
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Additional Answers (7)
I disagree with the previous persons answer. It is inappropriate for that 10 year old to be displaying that behavior towards her father. There is a difference between father - daughter bonds and inappropriate physical contact. I am going through the same type of thing. My 8th grade step-daughter is exactly the same as your 10 year old only worse. She leaves her menstrual pads and wipes and puts the bloody toilet paper where her dad and 10 year old brother see it. It's obvious she stages it in the wastebasket. She will undress in front of her father and brother and she always wants to sleep with daddy when I'm not there. Well, daddy sleeps in his underwear so um NO. I've come home and she's dressed head to toe in my clothes. She does other things that are just disgusting. I moved out because of this kid.
> 60 days ago
Sounds to me like your making a mountain out of a mole hill. I doubt what is going on is at all inappropriate For example as jealous as you are you would have called the police. Sounds to me like you just need to relax and try to act more mature. Remember your a adult she is a child and that is his daughter it is important for young females to have a positive male figure very important.So try to just have fun with your new family and stop being so jealous after all she is only a 10yo girl. She will stop being so needy once she gets a little older and used to the new situation ,and you will feel better once you get more used to your new life too. I hope this helps be good and god bless.
> 60 days ago
I go through something similar but i have raised my step daughter.
I am very uncomfortable around my daughter and husband ,she is 12 yrs old. He wont show me any affection while she is around. when he spend time with me . he will try to make it up to her , but we have 3 girls together.
I am very uncomfortable around my daughter and husband ,she is 12 yrs old. He wont show me any affection while she is around. when he spend time with me . he will try to make it up to her , but we have 3 girls together.
> 60 days ago
you are right... you are not being the evil step mother. You said proof... kk here it is.. a guy I knew was divorced and tried hard to spoile the girls when he hd them, the younger one when she was 11 wanted to live with him. the mom agreed and she moved in. she was similar, very touchy feely and loved to sleep with daddy... just after she turned 12 ~and was 'developing' ~ dad woke up to find him self in the throws of making out with his 12 year old daughter and she was NOT asleep as he had just been. He freaked and disgusted with him self sent her back with her mom and pulled away from her .. they never talked about it but the girl now quite grown displays issues of being emotionally needy and has been through several bad relationships and addictions to drugs. she has 4 children all wards of the state because she can't stay clean long enough o get them back. I believe she is suffering from the sudden loss of emotional support from her father but then if they had made sure the lines where not so fuzzy she would be a better and more well adjusted adult in my opinion... tell her dad that he needs to set the rules and limits... she is to wash her self daily and use deodorant... it is not cute if she stinks and probly why she rather be around dad.. kids her age things she smells too.
Adults have there own bed and it is not for children.. once in a while turning it into a 'family bed' is one thing but allowing him to 'spoon' his adolecent daughter is too much .. good luck... hope it goes well...
Adults have there own bed and it is not for children.. once in a while turning it into a 'family bed' is one thing but allowing him to 'spoon' his adolecent daughter is too much .. good luck... hope it goes well...
> 60 days ago
You should consult with your pediatrician as far as what is normal or abnormal behavior. Remember just because she is fully developed physically does not mean her emotional and intellectual development
match this. Middle school girls still look up to their fathers and he is the center of her universe. However 10 years old is probably a good age to start setting boundaries as far as what is appropriate and inapprorpiate physical contact. Cultural differences need to be taken into consideraton. Remember behavior is learned. If she is touching her breasts or doing other inappropriate behavior where did she learn it. The inappropriate kissing and spooning did she learn this from your interacton with her father. Kids learn by example. Did she learn this at her mothers house? Did someone touch her inappropriately? This is a ten year old young lady you are an adult. Instead of being worried about how this makes you feel you should be concerned for the well being of this child.
As far as hygeine goes if you have been in her life more than 3 years than you do have he right to give her some parenting advice. There is nothing wrong with educating her on good hygeine. Buy her a little overnight bag and put toothpaste, toothbrush, soap (get something special like bath body works shower gel if she is not allergic)
buy her some antiperspirant and a lufa sponge so she can exfoliate dead skin, shampoo and conditioner. Then get a book like "American Girls: The care and keeping of you". Ask your husband if you can take her out prepare a little gift bag with the book and overnight bag. Take her to lunch or prepare a little picnic and take to the park and spend quality time together. Then you can read sections of the book with her and talk about the subjest. Explain to her that she is not a little girl anymore but a preteen. Explain in order to fit into society and to be respected by her peers she needs to be clean. The reality is if a child has body odor other kids will exclude them. Not out of meaness, but it is uncomfortable to spend a lot of time with someone who has an unpleasant odor.
match this. Middle school girls still look up to their fathers and he is the center of her universe. However 10 years old is probably a good age to start setting boundaries as far as what is appropriate and inapprorpiate physical contact. Cultural differences need to be taken into consideraton. Remember behavior is learned. If she is touching her breasts or doing other inappropriate behavior where did she learn it. The inappropriate kissing and spooning did she learn this from your interacton with her father. Kids learn by example. Did she learn this at her mothers house? Did someone touch her inappropriately? This is a ten year old young lady you are an adult. Instead of being worried about how this makes you feel you should be concerned for the well being of this child.
As far as hygeine goes if you have been in her life more than 3 years than you do have he right to give her some parenting advice. There is nothing wrong with educating her on good hygeine. Buy her a little overnight bag and put toothpaste, toothbrush, soap (get something special like bath body works shower gel if she is not allergic)
buy her some antiperspirant and a lufa sponge so she can exfoliate dead skin, shampoo and conditioner. Then get a book like "American Girls: The care and keeping of you". Ask your husband if you can take her out prepare a little gift bag with the book and overnight bag. Take her to lunch or prepare a little picnic and take to the park and spend quality time together. Then you can read sections of the book with her and talk about the subjest. Explain to her that she is not a little girl anymore but a preteen. Explain in order to fit into society and to be respected by her peers she needs to be clean. The reality is if a child has body odor other kids will exclude them. Not out of meaness, but it is uncomfortable to spend a lot of time with someone who has an unpleasant odor.
> 60 days ago
There is affection between a father and daughter and there is affection between you and your husband. They are different and, although you step daughter may not understand that, your husband should and it is HIS job to define (and set boundaries for) what is appropriate with your step daughter. Healthy affection between a father and daughter shouldn't resemble affection between adults in a loving relationship. I wish there was more accessible info on this.
If your gut tells you it's wrong, it makes you uncomfortable,and probably negatively effects your feelings of attraction for him, that's all of the "ANSWERS AND PROOF" your husband should need. If that's not enough for him I hope you can get to a counselor. A reputable third party may be helpful... a male counselor may be preferable.
You're not alone. Don't ever ignore what your gut is telling you, you're smarter than you know.
If your gut tells you it's wrong, it makes you uncomfortable,and probably negatively effects your feelings of attraction for him, that's all of the "ANSWERS AND PROOF" your husband should need. If that's not enough for him I hope you can get to a counselor. A reputable third party may be helpful... a male counselor may be preferable.
You're not alone. Don't ever ignore what your gut is telling you, you're smarter than you know.
> 60 days ago
I don't have an answer for you but I am dealing with the exact situation with my boyfriend's daughter. Sad to say but it has caused conflict between my boyfriend and me. I have seen seven of my nieces grow up to little young ladies and have never experienced any of this behavior from them or towards their father. It is a bizarre behavior and uncomfortable to watch. My boyfriend tends to think the behavior is because his daughter is slow in mental development but I work in the medical field and just don't see it. I think he's still in denial of the whole issue. If you find any answers would you mind contacting me?
> 60 days ago
