My daughter's closest friend was hit by her mother and sent to a foster home. She has grandparents that live on the other side of the U.S. She said she would be fine living with my family and I (though she stills wants to see her grandparents from time to time). I would love to adopt her, she is like a daughter to me. What are the chances that I gain custody over her other than her grandparents? What are the steps to adopting her? My daughter is sad and a bit depressed, she loves her friend and really doesn't want her to leave. I don't think she could handle it. Any advice on how to cheer her up?
I think it varies some by state. You would probably have to go through the foster certification process or take a P.R.I.D.E course.
Since you are not related to her and the laws favor keeping children within their families you would probably not have much chance of gaining custody of her over a relative. You have better chance of being her temporary foster parent because the preference is to keep a child in the community and school that they are familiar with.
If she and your daughter are still in contact perhaps she could give you the name and contact information of her social worker. If you go through the foster certification program and work together with her social worker it might be possible for her to be placed with you while things are resolved with the family. It's possible that her extended relatives may not be able to care for her. In my state extended relatives also have to go through the foster certification program before they're allowed to take in a child in the system, even if that child is a relative. In the long run the preference will be for the daughter to return to her mother after her mother has gone through counseling. So ultimately the odds of you having a chance to adopt her are very low even if you were to end up fostering her for many years.
In a few states will really lax laws I think all you need is a lawyer to do up the paper work were her legal guardian agrees to give up their parental rights and allow you to adopt her.
A lot of times helping others is a good way to help yourself. Remind you're daughter that her BF is going through a really hard time and that you and she should try to think of things to help cheer her BF up and make her BF feel loved and supported. Come up with a plan and ways to keep in contact if her BF has to move.