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mom2jotyclay
mom2jotyclay asks:
Q:

Any advice for helping a 12 year old girl cope with friend issues at school? She is starting to act out at home as well.......

My daughter is almost 12 and in 5th grade. She seems to be having typical issues with friends at school such as not being invited to her best friends birthday cause she doesn't get along with one of the other girls that is going. She also has been made fun of because she got a haircut and the kids at school said she is copying someone else. I understand that kids will be kids and tell her to hold her head high but she is SO sensitive and it really bothers her. She is starting to act out at home. Last night I took her shopping for a new outfit so she would feel good in something new when she went go school today but she has so much attitude I ended up snapping at her and am afraid I just made things worse for her. I feel maybe she is acting out because of how unhappy she is at school?
Any advice would be great! She is an amazing kid with a very kind heart, I am afraid that she is starting down a bad road and don't know how to stop it......
Thank you!
In Topics: Friendships and peer relationships, Children and stress
> 60 days ago

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Expert

EdieRaether
Apr 14, 2011
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What the Expert Says:

As a family counselor, the creator of a children's character building program and the author of Stop Bullying Now, I can hopefully give you a few pointers.  
You need to ask her to tell you what the problem is.  Kids will often tell you and if she doesn't, I often say what I think a child is feeling, but put it in the first person.
If this were happening to me, this is how I would feel.  That often opens the conversation. You daughter is being bullied and there are several resources on my website that might help.  Since one of the girl's is her best friend, I would have a conversation with the two of them and maybe even invite the other girl over for a talk.  BUT your leverage is the best friend.  
In the meantime, your daughter needs to not give away her power.  Tough at that age, but a lesson we all must learn. I have a CD on Self Confidence that would help and a book on Winning! that would give her some inspiration.  
Never allow others to define you.  Encourage her to have the courage to confront the person who doesn't like her.  If it continues, I would even have a pow wow perhaps with the other girl's parents.  As you can see, I am not want to sit back and let things grow.  At some point, it may be time to just make new friends and let go of the old.  That age is challenging for girls!!
Don't ignore it, but look at what can be learned.
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