Blended family....husband wants baby...not best step-dad....what do I do???
I've been married for a little over a year. I have 2 children from a previous marriage and my husband has 1 child. He wants another child. We did discuss our wants/desires b/4 we got married and I did tell him that I would be willing to have another child but I also said this based on what he told me and his actions at the time towards my children. Since we married, he is not loving, nurturing and does not even talk to my kids and I have shared custody (50/50). My kids are straight A students (ages 11 & 7) and are always given compliments from their teachers. No discipline problems either. I can't see taking care of 4 children while he only tends to 2 but he can't see my point b/c he isn't doing "anything" to them. I am in my late 30s (my timer is ticking) and he is in his early 30s. How do I handle this b/c communicating with him regarding the needs of my children only land us in arguments. Any advice is appreciated.
I’m sorry to hear that your husband doesn’t talk or interact with your kids. It’s tough to remarry…you are not only looking for a spouse, but also someone to co-parent your children. Your children are part of your “package.” When you husband married you, he knew it meant he would then have step kids.
I would not encourage you to have any children with him until you work through this important issue. Accepting you, loving you, and marrying you means he should accept and love your children, as you should accept and love his child. I would recommend some blended family counseling for the two of you to work on how you interact as a couple with your 3 existing kids, before having more children.
You sound like a very smart lady. I would not comply with the situation at present. And here is why: you are already seeing what faults he has as a father and how big they are. So why would you want to bring another child into the world under that influence. I would tell him that being a parent means more than saying "I want"... It means sacrifice to the fullest. If you are not willing to put 110% into parenting,then it is time not to have a child! Good for you for thinking this through :)