How do i get my boyfriends kids to listen to me cause nothing seems to be helping?
I just dont know how to get my boyfriends kids to listen to me. They moved in with me a month ago. He little boy is 5yrs. old isnt as bad anymore its just when his sister makes him mad he acts out. Hes little girl is 3yrs old and we are having problems with her shes being mean to her brother and me. Since shes the youngest she thinks shes the baby and she tries to get away with thinks and act like a baby but i dont let her do that cause thats what she is wanting. I have tried putting them in the corner, doing time out at the kitchen table, ive spanked them, threatened to take thier toys away, and ive even taken their toys away. They just dont want to listen to me. I will tell them to do something 3 or 4 or 5 times to do something and most of the time i have to raise my voice just to get them to listen to me. I shouldnt have to raise my voice or yell at them just to get them to take me serious. It seems like i work all day to get them to listen to me and once i wake their dad up cause he works overnights. its like everything i worked for just went right now the drain and they ignore everything that i just got after them for. Im so frustrated that im about to the point to just give up and tell him to find someone else that can deal with his kids cause they dont do anything i tell him its like its a waste of time. we dont want to lose each other but this is hard on our relationship. Please help we need it bad. nothing else seem to be helping.
I'm sorry you are having such a frustrating experience. Since your boyfriend works the evening shift, you are in the lead position of disciplining the kids. But-although this is the case, your boyfriend and you need to get together and develop some house rules that you both agree on, and also some consequences when those rules are not respected by the kids.
After you agree on the houserules, the two of you should present them to all the kids. Your boyfriend should stress that, even though he's asleep, the rules will be enforced and consequences will happen if they don't listen to you.
Also work out a system to praise the kids for good behavior. For instance, if they are polite to you, put away their toys at the end of the day, and are nice to their siblings- they can watch T.V. for an hour (or get to go to the park the next day.)
I agree, you shouldn't have to get upset to get them to respect you and listen to you. Work together with your boyfriend to develop a plan (a set of houserules and consequences) and make sure you are consistent and keep the same rules every day.
Good luck to you.
Shirley Cress Dudley, MA LPC
Founder of The Blended and Step Family Resource Center
Founder of Marriage and Family Online Conferences