rosemarie
asks:
Q:
I have a very bright daughter who is successful in school but does not contribute at home in our family. What can I do?
I have a very bright daughter, who gets good grades, but can not get along at home, outside of the house is fine, we were told when she was entering high school that she had add, then possibly had asburgers, she acts bi polar, disrupts our family, does not seem to be able to read other people non verbal clues, , had delayed speech, apraxia, great athlete, but clumsy, is not able to wake up on her own, do her chores, take her medicine, it takes a villiage to get her out the door to school, yet she is an honor student, everyone loves her, but she is so mean at home, the other kids resent her, becuase so much attention is focused on her and they say she gets away with everything, she simply refuses to do the dishes, etc and does not care if she gets grounded, she sleeps alot when she is home, messes up every single room she enters, what can I do, I do not think she will make it in college.
In Topics:
Special needs, Discipline and behavior challenges
> 60 days ago
What the Expert Says:
Additional Answers (1)
Rose, who told you the diagnosis of ADD and Aspergers? Was it a formal evaluation? These are words that are thrown around a little too generously these days and we should all be careful with them and rely on experts to do evaluations and offer diagnoses.
My background as a parent (three teenagers) and an engineer does not qualify me to diagnose anything other than computer problems, but, reading your list, I would definitely guess, had you not said, that your daughter was a teenager. There are elements of every one one of those items in one or more of my kids...plus a few others.
There are a lot of places to turn for help. Almost all schools have counselors who can help you understand what is going on, but they might now reach outside of school affairs. Many communities have counseling centers (my wife works in one) that offer services as well. This is just good sense - anytime you have a chance to talk to someone in a professional capacity about the struggles with adolescents and teenagers, you should jump at it! Six years ago, at my annual physical exam, my doctor was asking me the usual questions about my health, and taking notes. He asked me how old my children were and when I said that my oldest would become a teenager in a few months, he suddenly looked up from his notes and said, "Oh! That's going to become your most serious medical problem" and he said it in all seriousness.
There is something about going off to college that changes kids: no more parents to push around. And, admit it, they do push us around a little bit. I think that's okay to an extent. She may quickly find that, being surrounded by peers, she has to change her behavior...and wants to change her behavior. Just a thought.
But don't skimp on the research and seeking help from people in your community whose job it is to provide help. This site (education.com) has a lot of helpful articles. Use the search box at the top of the page and try a few terms.
My background as a parent (three teenagers) and an engineer does not qualify me to diagnose anything other than computer problems, but, reading your list, I would definitely guess, had you not said, that your daughter was a teenager. There are elements of every one one of those items in one or more of my kids...plus a few others.
There are a lot of places to turn for help. Almost all schools have counselors who can help you understand what is going on, but they might now reach outside of school affairs. Many communities have counseling centers (my wife works in one) that offer services as well. This is just good sense - anytime you have a chance to talk to someone in a professional capacity about the struggles with adolescents and teenagers, you should jump at it! Six years ago, at my annual physical exam, my doctor was asking me the usual questions about my health, and taking notes. He asked me how old my children were and when I said that my oldest would become a teenager in a few months, he suddenly looked up from his notes and said, "Oh! That's going to become your most serious medical problem" and he said it in all seriousness.
There is something about going off to college that changes kids: no more parents to push around. And, admit it, they do push us around a little bit. I think that's okay to an extent. She may quickly find that, being surrounded by peers, she has to change her behavior...and wants to change her behavior. Just a thought.
But don't skimp on the research and seeking help from people in your community whose job it is to provide help. This site (education.com) has a lot of helpful articles. Use the search box at the top of the page and try a few terms.
> 60 days ago
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