It's unfortunate that the principal and teachers weren't more willing to help. From the research we know that students often report teachers and other school adults do not intervene in bullying and teasing incidents. We also know that incidents that are more covert in nature, like teasing, are difficult for adults to detect. I wouldn't give up on the effort to involve the school though. Be sure to present this issue to school official by providing them with the factual information about who, what, when, and where the occurances are taking place. Most schools have an anti-bullying policy in place. Check with the school and advocate for change if they are not implementing their anti-bullying policy.

It's great that you are teaching your grandson not to retaliate by hitting the girls back. Retaliation usually ends badly. It will likely escalate the problem and highlight the imbalance of power already evident. We know that by definition, bullying involves an imbalance of power between the student(s) bullying and the victim. In the case with your grandson, it sounds like he is outnumbered by the girls who are bullying him - creating an imbalance of power.

Talk with your grandson about sticking with peers, so that the imbalance of power is less likely to result in him being victimized. If you can identify with him where this is happening most frequently (e.g., bathroom breaks, recess, transitions to other rooms), you can encourage him to have supportive peers nearby especially during those times. Research tells us that children are less vulnerable to victimization if they are with supportive peers. He can also stand or sit near a supervising adult during these times, making it more difficult for him to be targeted. If your grandson reports that this is a time where there is a lack of supervising adults around, talk with the school about increasing supervision during that time.

Find out how the students who are near him react when he is being bullied. If they are providing attention to the girls who are bullying him (whether positive or negative attention), it is likely reinforcing their behavior. When these students are not receiving attention for their bullying behavior, they are more likely to stop (there's no more audience). You may want to role play with him how to walk away and avoid giving attention to those students.  

It may also be a good idea to talk with your grandson about how to report bullying behavior to his teacher. You could role-play with him what he should say to his teachers, encouraging him to know the difference between tattling and reporting bullying behaviors. Let him know that when he is feeling threatened or hurt by someone else, that is not tattling. Too often students are afraid to talk to the teacher about what is happening for fear they are tattling. However, without the help of adults, some bullying situations may not stop.  

Your grandson is lucky to have a supportive family. Keep talking with him about what is happening at school and what strategies he is using and can use if he continues to be bullied. Bullying does not have to be a "normal" part of childhood.


Jami Givens, MA, PLMHP
School Psychology Doctoral Candidate
University of Nebraska - Lincoln
Target Bullying Research Lab: www.targetbully.com