My little one is exactly like that sometimes. I understand you, I work from 8 to 5 and when I get home she, of course, wants all my atention and shows that behaving the worst way she can find, my secret is pacience... I do dont yield at her, I dont spank her I simply tell her that her behavior is rude and wrong that I am not going to pay attention to her untill she calm down then I leave her alone few minutes and wait, it will take 2-5-10 minutes but eventually she will change her attitude. I try to reward her for that (but dont tell her you're giving her a price) I sit down to read a book or draw with her for 15-20 minutes.
You'll see that her attitude at school will also get better, its all about attention.

You should be commended for seeking help and guidance with raising your daughter.  There are several things that you may want to think about when she becomes aggressive.  The first and most critical thing is what happens after her inappropriate behavior?  does she get her way?  If so, you may be reinforcing the behavior that you want her to stop!  It may be difficult for you at first, but it is very important that you not give in when she acts this way, if you want the behavior to stop.


At home, you may want to watch what things set her off.  Is she tired, hungry, or not feeling well? Is she trying to get attention from you? Being a parent can be very demanding with down time being almost non-existent.  Look for small amounts of time each day to spend with your daughter whether it is reading a book, playing a word game in the car or a board game at home.   Consistent schedules at home, positive messages (praise, hugs, etc.) are also important for a 4 year old.  Is she eating healthy food, sleeping well, getting exercise?

Often times kids react to things they don€™t like with angry outbursts because they haven€™t been taught the appropriate way to handle things. There are some very basic social skills that you can teach her and that may help her even at her young age:
Following Instructions
1. Look at the person  (if she is looking at you, she is more likely paying attention)
2. Say OK (she may want to argue or complain, but OK is all you want to hear)
3. Do what is asked (she needs to either do it right away, or at the time you set for her to do it)

Accepting a No Answer/Consequences/Feedback
1. Look at the person
2. Say OK
 
Once you start working on these skills at home with her, you can see how she begins to act at school and with others.  Keep communicating with your daughter's teachers to let them know how you are dealing with her at home and see if they see any improvements at school.  You also should make sure that her grandparents see how you interact with her by not giving in & setting some expectations.  Let them know how coddling her can cause her to have probelms in school and making friends.
Again it is great that you are looking at ways to help your daughter and setting the groundwork for more positive behaviors as she grows!
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