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charlytte10
charlytte10 asks:
Q:

My daughter is being bullied by a group of girls. Teacher talked to them. Did not help. Can I take my daughter out and just get her work, one month LT


My daughter is being bullied by a group of girls. She is in 4th grade. I reported it in Nov. Teacher is kind and talked to the girls about being nice and treat people like you want to be treated. Now is is almost May and this group now has 3 more kids that has join in. My daughter broke down and told me the whole story and sobbed. I know even if I complain, which I will, that this group of girls will not stop as the school does not even have a bullying policy. This school is just afraid to lose students because of the scholarship and private pay. She is begging me to be homeschooled. Since there is only one more month left of this private/christian school, can I bring home my daughter work for her to do at home with a doctor's note. She is being counseled for anixety and now we know it probably is because of this bulling. We refuse to allow this to hurt our wonderful, kind, loving daughter and are doing everything in our power to protect her from this. Thank-you
In Topics: Bullying and teasing
> 60 days ago

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Expert

Boys Town National Hotline
Apr 27, 2011
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What the Expert Says:

Dear Charlytee,

We are very sorry that your daughter is experiencing this level of stress at school. It is very unfortunate that the school has no anti-bullying program or policy in place. The administration is not educated or knowledgeable on how to handle such behaviors. Just hoping a problem will go away is not the answer when it comes to bullying. These girls need to have consequences and their parents need to know what they are doing.


It's good that your daughter is meeting with a counselor to help her with anxiety. We don't know if homeschooling is the right answer, you just don't want her to feel more isolated and that she is giving up in any way. There are private schools and public schools out there which would take a very different approach...we have seen them in action. There are very good schools in both the private and public sector but you will have to do some research.

Please feel free to call or e-mail our Hotline for more support and guidance. We talk to parents every day who are going through some of the same issues. We also have a website which is listed below. Parenting is not easy and we are here to help!

Take care and best wishes to you and your daughter.

Sincerely,

Cynthia, Counselor
Boys Town National Hotline
1-800-448-3000
hotline@boystown.org
www.parenting.org
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Additional Answers (9)

Miracle6
Miracle6 writes:
I am so sorry that you are going through this.  My children also go to a private school. Research has shown that the "zero tolerance" on bullying is not effective.  I am surprised that a private school, will allow this.
My son, was going through that also. It did stop. I got involved in the school and volunteered as much as I could. I got to know the students in his class room and how they interacted, help me to understand them. I don't think many teachers are taught how to handle bullying. Some teachers will say oh that is what all children do, but it is WRONG.
Nip it in the behind now. If the teacher does not do anything about it, go to the next person in command. Just get involved immediately.
I will be praying for you and your family.

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SLDunn
SLDunn writes:
I am the mother of a son who was bullied relentlessly in 4th and 5th grade. You say the teacher is kind - that's a good start but the school shouldn't be allowing the behavior.  Have you talked with the guidance counselor or principal? There is a big problem at the school if  someone can't stop the bullying! Unfortunately, we had to move my son to a private christian school.  It seems like an extreme measure but it was the best decision we've ever made.  The Christian school is on top of things and doesn't allow anyone to be bullied.  I would not suggest homeschooling unless you will have other families to work with. It would be easy for her to "forget" how to act socially if she isn't around peers often.  Good luck and let us know how things turn out!:)
> 60 days ago

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Karenmom
Karenmom writes:
This is terrible and I'm sorry to hear that your daughter has had to be exposed to these type of girls.  It is a shame that the school is incapable of resolving this matter, but your daughter has the same rights as these other girls to have a safe environment to learn in and since you mentioned that this is a private, Christian school you have more rights.  After all, you are paying for this education and it seems to me that they are overlooking the Christian part all together.

It isn't fair that your daughter has been pushed to the place that she is actually suffering from anxiety and in need of counseling.  What is the opinion of the counselor?  Is the counselor involved with the school and if so, does he/she not have any authority to make necessary changes?  

I agree with the other answers that you have here and you must stay involved and continue to voice the wrong acts of these bullies.  Involve as many other concerned parents as possible (strength in numbers) and hopefully you can make a difference to protect your children and save the reputation of this school.  Since this is a Christian school, I would involve the community and other Christians for their involvement and expose this school for tolerating such behavior.  I know it seems harsh, but this private/Christian school is wrong in not taking necessary steps to protect your children and to teach proper morals and values.  It appears as though they are interested in the money, instead of the children.  What does this say for their establishment?  Not much, in my opinion as I'm sure others will feel the same.

I wish you and your daughter all the best and I would not "give in" and allow these bullies retain their undeserved power.  This is not sending the right message to these children, the school or your daughter.  Keep her self esteem high, moral high, tell her to be proud and assure her that she is behaving properly and that it is not her fault that these other children have such poor guidance.  Explain, that this bullies are suffering from some inferior, possibly, neglect at home, abuse, and poor (low) self esteem.  They are certain to not be successful in their lives.  These bullies need help and counseling to help them change their ways before it is too late for them and to find the source of their inferior feelings and anger.  For some reason, they see that your daughter has her life together and they want to take it away from her because they are miserable and they want her to be just as miserable.  This issue must be addressed with the school for all of the children's benefit.

Best Wishes and keep us informed!

I've included some links that you may find useful.  Hope this helps!

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lailahani
lailahani writes:
poor little girl  she s being bullied bcuz she s innocent
those mean  girls should be punished      if it s a private schoool  talk to the admin and tell them if they don t stop you are taking your daughter to a school with bullying policy     if it s a public school   welll that s a nightmare     i think you shoul keep her at home  and she goes to do  her exams only   meanwhile  look for another school where she can enjoy  studying between normal girls not SICK ones          
 if she has friends  have them come over all the time   it s good for her self esteem          good luck     i really wish  that one day she will finish all her studies     become an important person     and this in itself will be the way she proves to them that they actually made her stronger by bullying her    (the opposite of what they were trying to do to her )  
   i hate bulllying    my son is in 4th grade and he s being bullied bcuz he wears glasses     imagine!!!!
> 60 days ago

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EdieRaether
EdieRaether , Teacher writes:
Okay...ENOUGH!!!  NO! Your daughter should not be adapting to those who need to be making the change. The nice teacher is too nice with to the bullies as well and not being firm enough in terms of her expectations and consequences if they don't change.  I am not saying that you keep your child at school at all costs and in the interim if that step needs to be taken, I understand, but we must not give power to the bullies.  They should be kept out of school, not your daughter.  However,
I am not a big advocate of expulsion but rather learning and reconditioning.  I do inservice programs on such at schools and would like to come in and teach them how to handle situations like this as the teacher is well intended but may not know what to do herself.  
BUT....you must persist until the problem is solved.  My book will help and is going to press soon but check out my website as some of the free articles may help too.  
Anyway....persist until there is justice otherwise we are rewarding the behavior of the bullies and they need to learn consequences.  
Have you called their parents?  Why not?  
Let me know if you have other questions.  
Edie

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martyforte
martyforte writes:
In respect to homeschooling your child it depends on which state you live in.  The general answer to homeschooling is that many parents are now homeschooling because the public and private schools have not addressed this issue to the satisfaction of the parents.

Homeschooling can be a wonderful option if you are able to.  This requires that at least one parent be the "stay at home" person.  The benefits are great and the effort very manageable.  Statistics show that homeschool children test better (by 20 points), behave better, learn more and actually do better in post-secondary schools than classroom students.

For more information please consider contacting the homeschool advocacy group for your state.  Do not depend on the state to provide you with accurate information, but find a private advocacy group in your state for information.  You can google homeschooling and find a vast number of resourced.

Martin Forte
Excellence In Education Academy (California)
> 60 days ago

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djorlo
djorlo writes:
I don't know how severe the bullying is, but I would suggest you spend time teaching your daughter coping skills with this type of treatment.  If she can learn to handle it on her own now, she will be ahead of the game in later years.  If she runs away from it now, it will only get worse.
> 60 days ago

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kerstie1230
kerstie1230 writes:
well, mabey (if possable) get the bullies and a teacher or counsuler to go to a room and talk to them about how bad it hurts you,your child, and will later hurt them(the bullies). if that doesnt work i would have to take my child out of school because i couldnt stand to see my child cry.
> 60 days ago

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Sarpax
Sarpax writes:
I'm not sure if you can, but, I'd definitely try it and have you talked to the principle about the bullying?  My son has been bullied since he was  in kindergarten and is now in seventh grade (he's a special needs child) and has had post traumatic stress from it.  I'd definitely try the doctors note.
> 60 days ago

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