confussed
asks:
Q:
My daughter is being bullied by group of girls she wont let me do anything what can I do?
My daughter is 16 and very pretty has alot of friends but a group of girls are always calling her names and threatening to kick her butt. She wont let me call anyone what can I do? She handles it well but they are ruining her reputation by the things they say.One of her friends is friends with them and constantly back stabs her which just adds fuel to the fire. I dont know if I should call the parents or let her handle it.
In Topics:
Bullying and teasing
> 60 days ago
What the Expert Says:
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Additional Answers (5)
You should go to her parents and have a serious talk with them about this whole situation. They have the power to punish their daughter. If things are left unattended, things get messy. You should take action so that your daughter's self confidence will not diminish more than it probably already did.
You are the parent, you should decide what is best for her. What do you mean, "she wont' let me?" YOU MUST HELP HER.
Teach how to stand up for herself - ALWAYS - and not be afraid to "hit" back if necessary. Teach her to have a strong character that cannot be demolished by frivolous, mean comments of anyone. 16 is a tough age when most of youngsters make mistakes. You be there along the way, tell her to trust and confide in you so that you can protect her.
And, I always say: all kids must learn a martial arts sport. It is about defense. Sadly, in today's world, we need this more and more.
You are the parent, you should decide what is best for her. What do you mean, "she wont' let me?" YOU MUST HELP HER.
Teach how to stand up for herself - ALWAYS - and not be afraid to "hit" back if necessary. Teach her to have a strong character that cannot be demolished by frivolous, mean comments of anyone. 16 is a tough age when most of youngsters make mistakes. You be there along the way, tell her to trust and confide in you so that you can protect her.
And, I always say: all kids must learn a martial arts sport. It is about defense. Sadly, in today's world, we need this more and more.
> 60 days ago
I'm going there it with my so and going to the parents didn't help. There was a lot he wasn't telling me and I'm still finding out. It escalated to the point he got hurt and had to go to the hospital and I had to go to the police. I found out there are now laws against bullying. I still don't know how to handle it so I know how you feel.
> 60 days ago
What you mean she wont let you do a thing ,,, first your the parent , do what you have to do to get the school to notice what is happen, if you have to report this to the police do so , and get the other parent to know what their kids are doing..
> 60 days ago
I've heard this question answered by another professional and it always made sense to me on several levels. You should go to the school, report what is going on, and ask that you NOT be named as the person reporting the bullying. Let the girls think that someone else from the school (be it faculty or student) has been witnessing the bullying. That way your daughter won't seem like a snitch and neither will you.
> 60 days ago
I have four daughters, two of which are teens. I have gone through this with both teens and this is the way that I handled it. Let me first say that trust and communication with your children is key. As a parent, we may feel the impulse to jump into action to "save" our children; however, most times, this does more bad than good. When my daughters came to me about their frustrations about being bullied, I validated their feelings and concerns. I then made them part of the decision making process and we each brainstormed ideas as to how we can deal with the issue without making it obvious that the information came from them. One thing you have to be mindful of is that they are the victims that have to endure whatever consequences result from running to the school, parents, police, etc. Unless you are with your child at school all day every day, you may create a more volatile environment.
My daughters and I agreed that anonymity was important and I expressed to them that there may be other victims that would benefit from our intervention. I suggested that I contact the principal via email, so that I would not be seen at the school going to the principal's office, explain the situation and express the importance of confidentiality. The principal understood and we developed a plan where the assistant principal would be present in the area where most of the bullying took place and try to catch them in action. This way it didn't look like anyone told on them. Well, it worked! The assistant principal admonished all the girls, including mine (of course she was in on the plan and knew it was not really intended for her) and all the parents were called. Out of four girls, only one parent seems to be nonresponsive and blames everyone else for her daughter's behavior. The parent was warned that police action could be taken.
The lesson here is that my child is a stakeholder in the situation and already feels out of control. By giving her some control in the decision making process, she felt empowered. This maintained their trust in me and our communication has never been better. It also improved the vigilance at the school because they had no idea this was going on. Support, teach and empower your children!
My daughters and I agreed that anonymity was important and I expressed to them that there may be other victims that would benefit from our intervention. I suggested that I contact the principal via email, so that I would not be seen at the school going to the principal's office, explain the situation and express the importance of confidentiality. The principal understood and we developed a plan where the assistant principal would be present in the area where most of the bullying took place and try to catch them in action. This way it didn't look like anyone told on them. Well, it worked! The assistant principal admonished all the girls, including mine (of course she was in on the plan and knew it was not really intended for her) and all the parents were called. Out of four girls, only one parent seems to be nonresponsive and blames everyone else for her daughter's behavior. The parent was warned that police action could be taken.
The lesson here is that my child is a stakeholder in the situation and already feels out of control. By giving her some control in the decision making process, she felt empowered. This maintained their trust in me and our communication has never been better. It also improved the vigilance at the school because they had no idea this was going on. Support, teach and empower your children!
> 60 days ago
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