Education.com
Try
Brainzy
Try
Plus
Black Friday sale on now! Save 50% on PLUS and Brainzy with coupon BLACKFRI. Learn More
newfiemom
newfiemom asks:
Q:

My daughter is bullied in school and no one will help me. I am worried about my daughter's safety.

i am a concerned parent my daughter is in the 6 grade and for 3 years now as been bullied by a boy in her class. I have spoken to the parents of this child, and with the principal and school board. There was one case where he got her ans bruised her ribs and hit her enough that her liver swelled. She was admitted in the hospital and treated. The RCMP has been involved to speak to this boy but nothing is working. She has several medical problems and many is caused by the bullying. I am at the end of my rope. She is scared to go to school and i am feared for her life. This boy has told her that he is going to put her in the grave. I have written letters to the school and to the school board. The only thing that was done was the boy was spoke to by the teachers and principal and RCMP. She has told all the school officials what has happened but it seems to me that they don't believe her. The last attack was like 2 days ago and she was beaten badly. Just wondering if anyone know what i can do next the only thing that i can think of doing is move. Any ideas of what i can do would be great.. Thanks for reading my post i just hope that this will end soon.....
In Topics: My Relationship with my child's school, Bullying and teasing
> 60 days ago

|

Expert

Boys Town National Hotline
May 4, 2010
Subscribe to Expert

What the Expert Says:

Thank you for reaching out to Education.com

Your daughter's situation is very serious.  We are so sorry that she has been put through so many traumas in her young life.  Unfortunately, at this point it appears that letter writing and talking to the school is not going to change anything.  And, hoping the situation is going to get better is not enough.  

If the school refuses to expel this boy for what he has done to your daughter, find out if your school district allows for open enrollment.  This way, your daughter can transfer to another school within the district, or even outside of the district.  Then if you still find yourself in a roadblock, moving would be the next option.  Your daughter should not stay in an environment where she is threatened and continues to be abused physically and emotionally.

This matter is serious enough that you should consider contacting your state senator or city council representative about what has happened to your daughter, and the lack of support which has been shown from the school district.  But above all, continue to be an advocate and source of support and love for your daughter.  Make sure she is involved in something which brings her joy and a sense of purpose.  Music, sports, church or community acitvities are but a few.  

If you would like to talk about this issue or any other parenting concerns, please give our toll-free Hotline a call.  You can also give our number to your daughter.  We talk to kids who are going through peer pressure and bullying issues every day.  We also have a website which is designed for teenagers, which she may also find to be helpful:  www.yourlifeyourvoice.org    There is a place on the website where teens can e-mail a crisis counselor about any problem they are going through.  

Take care and best wishes to you and your daughter.

Sincerely,
Cynthia, Crisis Counselor
Boys Town National Hotline
1-800-448-3000




Did you find this answer useful?
0
yes
3
no

Additional Answers (14)

teacherparent
teacherparent writes:
Does your school district offer open enrollment?  If it does, you can transfer schools if there is space available in the school of your choice.  You may have to arrange transportation for your child.  Get her out of there.  Is there any one who could home school your daughter?  There are many online homeschooling programs available.  Many are free and your daughter would be at home taking online classes.  Pray.  I will pray for you and your daughter.
> 60 days ago

Did you find this answer useful?
0
yes
2
no
Tiny20
Tiny20 writes:
Hi.
The bullying in schools nowadays is just horrible. I was in 6th Grade when I was bullied also. It was pretty rough on me as well. I was bullied for the longest time. The school board didn't do much for me. All they did was tell me to try and be friends. They sent me to counseling during lunch. It was pretty hectic. I would suggest sending her to another school or possibly home school. There is no telling what that boy might do. Kids bully the person that looks easier to pick on. Usually the sweet and innocent kids are the ones who get picked on. The kids who bully other kids may have something wrong with them. Maybe like an emotional or physical problem in there homes or growing. Which could result in something bad. I would definitely suggest you send her to another school. My parents sent me to another school and I thought it was the best decision my parents ever made. The bullying stopped and I enjoyed the rest of my years in school until I graduated. Bullying is everywhere. You just gotta know how to deal with it and if you cant then just escape it.
I hope I helped you in some way !!
> 60 days ago

Did you find this answer useful?
1
yes
2
no
estonian
estonian writes:
The bullying is horrible... But it will not stop unless you do anything about it. You tried the "grown-up" way... I would just tell my daughter that next time the boy comes close to her to bully her to punch him in the private parts as hard as she can or hit him (with anything that she can get her hands on - chair ruler, rock) nice and good in the face. If he sees that she is no longer the "victim" and will stand up for her self he will leave her alone. Also maybe you should have a private talk with the boy - have someone male do it. Threaten him if needed. The good american system that will take your kids away from you if u dare to raise your hand at them at home tolerates such bullying at school without consequences is absolutely ridiculous!!! I know it might sound shady but this is your daughter and she can be scarred for life if you do not do anything about it. She should not make the bully's life comfortable and moving or getting home schooled - she has a right to be happy!!!
> 60 days ago

Did you find this answer useful?
0
yes
4
no
ConcernedParentNeedsHelp
ConcernedPa... writes:
I don't really know how to help you but I do know that hitting that boy back will only make problems for your daughter. I know that you must be tired, scared, and frustrated with what is happening to your daughter so you must not give up. Do whatever you have to so she will be safe. If the school staff won't listen go higher and don't stop. I am going through the same thing with my son and the school did nothing about it. When he was threatened with rape I went higher... unfortunately my family is now being retaliated on. BUT I will not give up. No matter how many times you are ignored, no matter how alone you feel... please know that your not. I hope everything works out for you and your family. I will keep all of you in my prayers.
> 60 days ago

Did you find this answer useful?
0
yes
0
no
Loddie1
Loddie1 , Parent writes:
If she is being beaten so badly, then why are you not changing schools or homeschooling? Why send her to that school? I am just wondering. It sounds like you need to PULL HER OUT and now! Send her to a local private school if you have to. Just get her out.
> 60 days ago

Did you find this answer useful?
2
yes
1
no
Labunny
Labunny writes:
Hi,, I just read your story and I got chills.. I am sooo sorry that your daughter had to go through all of that. I think that the next resort you may need to do is call the police. or sue the school system or the parents of the boy. press charges.. Why should you move.. That is not the answer.. Your daughter did not do anything wrong. You should not have to move at all. My daughter is being bullied..I cant get her to talk about more than just what one girl did.. she said that she was getting dirty looks. I try to get her to school and she is scared.. she just wont go. I know that a bully wont stop until you stand up to them.. but in your case...you need to take it a step further...police and state officials. I do wish you the best of luck to bring this boy down. He doesnt deserve to be in that school..He should be the one to move...He should have charges pressed to him. Good Luck....:)
> 60 days ago

Did you find this answer useful?
2
yes
0
no
Gega
Gega writes:
it is so hard i went to everyone when my daughter was bullied. we need tough laws and harsh punishments. i am new to this don't stop trying. sadly my daughter took her own life tired of the torment and horrible things people said to her.
> 60 days ago

Did you find this answer useful?
0
yes
0
no
Rosalia Colon
Rosalia Colon writes:
I had a similar situation when my daughter was in High school. She was constantly harassed and her hair was cut by a group of girls. I went the school and made several complaints, the administration told me that they would take care of it. My daughter was terrified to go to school and was suffering from anxiety as a result of this situation. I tried to discharge her from the school, but the principal was making it impossible for me to continue with this process. I went to the police precinct and filed a report on the incidents and returned it to the school principal. He discharged her immediately and suspended the group of girls. My daughter attended a different school and was very happy. She has since graduated and has thanked me for stepping in and giving her a new life.
> 60 days ago

Did you find this answer useful?
2
yes
0
no
Rosalia Colon
Rosalia Colon writes:
I had a similar situation when my daughter was in High school. She was constantly harassed and her hair was cut by a group of girls. I went the school and made several complaints, the administration told me that they would take care of it. My daughter was terrified to go to school and was suffering from anxiety as a result of this situation. I tried to discharge her from the school, but the principal was making it impossible for me to continue with this process. I went to the police precinct and filed a report on the incidents and returned it to the school principal. He discharged her immediately and suspended the group of girls. My daughter attended a different school and was very happy. She has since graduated and has thanked me for stepping in and giving her a new life.
> 60 days ago

Did you find this answer useful?
0
yes
0
no
eisenman
eisenman writes:
Dear Parent, I find it truly hard to believe the school officials have done nothing. I wonder does she give the officials a reason for not believing her? You said I quote two days ago "she was beaten badly". If this was true the principal would have expelled him and the police would have taken him in on charges.
Are you exaggerating?
> 60 days ago

Did you find this answer useful?
0
yes
0
no
Debdavison77
Debdavison77 writes:
I would get the police involved. Press chargers against the student, and the student should get kicked out of school. That's what I would do. Take action. The school won't do it, you have that power to do something. My daughter gets bullied by a boy. I told the school if you don't suspend this boy I'm going to take action, I will get the police involved. I hope this helps you.
> 60 days ago

Did you find this answer useful?
2
yes
0
no
coolgirl123
coolgirl123 writes:
tell the teacher then the principal
> 60 days ago

Did you find this answer useful?
0
yes
0
no
princetonwifey
princetonwi... , Student writes:
Bullying is all too common among school-age children, especially those age 12-18. According to a study by the National Center for Education Statistics, more than one out of four children had been a recent victim of bullying, with 6th graders the most vulnerable.
 
As a parent, the challenges include identifying when your child has been bullied and determining the best response.
 
First, it’s important to be alert to signals that something is wrong. “If your child is not sleeping, not enjoying herself, not eating, or eating too much, you know there’s something going on,” says Stan Davis, author of two anti-bullying books and publisher of the website Stop Bullying Now. “That’s an indication to increase the amount of time you’re spending with her. And point out what you’re seeing. Say ‘You don’t seem happy. What’s going on?’ ”
 
He cautions that the root of the unhappiness may simply be puberty or other anxieties. But spending time together doing activities you both enjoy can be a way to help your child heal as well as a way for you to glean more information.
 
If your child is being bullied, determine the seriousness of the behavior and whether it is being repeated. On the low end of the spectrum, if another child is sticking his tongue out at your child or acting unfriendly, you may just want to help your child deal with that. In that case, Davis says, “It’s fine to acknowledge that there are people who enjoy being mean and that young people will have distress but will have to get used to it.”
 
Kids can also distance themselves from this kind of bully. But understanding the need to do that can be hard for children, who tend to see only two kinds of people: friends and enemies. Parents can help them understand that there are also people you just avoid.
 
In the middle range might be name-calling. Davis advises asking your child what he has already tried before offering advice; that way, you won’t look stupid by suggesting ideas that have failed. Then strategize for other possible approaches. If those don’t work, it’s time to involve the school.
 
Then there is behavior that Davis calls “completely intolerable.” This could include threats or physical harm. In this case, involve the school immediately. But don’t overreact when speaking to your child or to the school. “It’s important for parents to have a real good check on their own emotionality before talking to their child,” he says. “The problem with showing that emotion is that the child may think Dad’s blood pressure is going up and won’t tell him the next time. Or the child worries that you’ll charge in angrily to the school and make things worse.”
 
The School’s Role
 
Davis often sees such hesitancy in children who are the targets of cyberbullying, such as harassing text messages. “Most young people think parents will say ‘No more cell phone or MySpace,’ ” he says. “A lot of kids have told me you can’t tell parents that stuff or they’ll overreact.”
 
Trevor Romain, author of the self-help book and video Bullies Are a Pain in the Brain, agrees. “Kids are afraid to tell,” he says. “They worry that parents will go to the other kid’s parents and cause a big stir. Listen to what your kids are asking for. It might be going to a counselor or teacher or helping the child to figure things out.” When you do decide to contact the school, Romain suggests calling or emailing first as a way to defuse tensions.
 
Davis advises bringing a list of exactly what’s been reported by your child. But don’t label it “bullying,” and don’t accuse the school of failure. “Go in with the assumption that the school is not aware of what’s going on and that they’ll do their best to fix it,” he says. “Don’t alienate people and make them defensive.” If you do, he explains, you risk driving away people who could be allies.
 
Instead, make a point of praising what the school has done well during your child’s time there. You might say, “I’m surprised this is going on because my child’s experience here has been so positive in this way and this way.”
 
Ask school officials what they plan to do and when you can expect to hear more details. Then check back to ask what’s been done and to share what you’ve heard from your child. If the solution isn’t working, ask what else can be done. Throughout this whole process, take notes so that you have documentation.
 
One solution you might expect from the school is increased supervision. “We see these problems with bullying happening during unstructured times during the day, when there are low levels of adult supervision—during transitions to and from classes, on playgrounds, during lunch periods, and during gym time when kids are changing,” says Duane Thomas, an education professor at the University of Pennsylvania who works with the Philadelphia Collaborative Violence Prevention Center. “That’s when schools could be more active in supervising the behaviors of students.”
 
He also recommends that parents ask the school to separate misbehaving kids. “We see increases in bullying behavior by the type of kids they hang out with,” he says. “There needs to be a concerted effort in breaking up these subcultures of bullies.” The school can place them in different classes, for example.
 
Thomas emphasizes that it takes a unified commitment to ending the behavior of bullying and that targeting one particular child will not work. “It takes focusing change on the whole schoolwide environment and the classroom climate, as well,” he says. “It takes parents being very vocal and advocating for their kids. At the school level, it takes parents, teachers, administrators, support staff, cafeteria workers, and janitors supervising students—and the students having a voice, as well, and making a pledge not to bully or to tolerate this behavior.”
 
You might also ask the school to encourage other kids to spend time with your child as an antidote to the social isolation that can result from bullying. “Other students may stay away from the kid getting picked on, or they’re embarrassed that they didn’t do anything to help,” says Davis. Such isolation can be even more damaging than the bullying.
 
If the school is unable or unwilling to solve the problem, then approach the school board or superintendent.
 
What’s most important is to take action. “Involve the school very early when you start to see these problems,” says Thomas. “Two-thirds of students feel that schools and adults in general do a poor job responding to bullying.”

Did you find this answer useful?
0
yes
0
no
Antoniamm86
Antoniamm86 writes:
Since there is clearly nothing the school is gonna do... Press charges on the person. Call the police a file a report cause what he is doing isn't just bullying its also assault and battery.. That will get this kid and his parents to wake up once they see its no longer "just kids being kids". I don't condone violence but i think it also maybe time to teach your daughter self defense. If the school wont protect her she has to learn to protect herself. I pray that she gets proper help, or protection from someone soon. (File the police report, then take it to the school, from there on out if he continues to bullying/assault her the school can also be prosecuted for negligence.)
> 60 days ago

Did you find this answer useful?
0
yes
0
no
Answer this question