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Anonymous
Anonymous asks:
Q:

Our daughter has never been able to maintain friendships. She is called a trouble maker by parents and her peers.

now at 14 her reputation preceeds her. she has been tested and has seen 3 different therapists...with no issues diagnosed and nothing solved. she is jealous, negative, possessive, combative and intense. she doesnt seem to have the ability to just hang out and bond. i worry constantly for her future. it gets worse each year.
In Topics: Parenting / Our Family, Teen issues, Friendships and peer relationships
> 60 days ago

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Expert

BMelton
Dec 29, 2009
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What the Expert Says:

I am sorry to hear about your daughter's difficulties, and your frustration with not finding any definitive answers. You have not given up!

Continue your search for the counselor who will show understanding and empathy for your daughter. She needs to learn more appropriate ways to get attention and express her feelings.She seems to be living up to others' expectations as a "troublemaker". She may benefit from group counseling where social skills are the focus. She will understand that her negative reactions to others makes her life more difficult and decide to change her behaviors.

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Loddie1
Dec 29, 2009
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Best Answer!

what's this?
from a fellow member
Well, certainly those qualities you listed are not favorable ones. However, it is consistent with an insecurity of some kind. One area I would try to examine is this one. Why is she feeling this way? Is it the lack if social skills or is it that she has had bad social experiences. This is always a tough area to look at where "socialism" is concerned. Sometimes we think it is good for our children, when in reality, it can do as much harm than good. I would definately start off accepting your child for who she is even if she is indifferent to you. Next, find out what things shes does like ( music, activities, etc.) then try to help her to find friends that she has similar interests in. If she has "no issues" then this is something to praise! You may just have the usual teenage emotional rollar coaster ride that 70% or more parents experience. Have an open connection with her, even if she seems to be mean or distant, she really needs you at this point in her life. Good luck :)

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Additional Answers (2)

StressFreeKids
StressFreeK... writes:
Children are not born with a set of social skills. Some are born with even less than others. It is important for parents to teach them as they grow. Some also need social skills classes that are available. At this age it may be necessary to work on the skills in a new environment where she can have a fresh start.
> 60 days ago

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haileycolt
haileycolt writes:
try to get her to right her feelings in a journal or on an online blog like tumblr but do not i repeat DO NOT try to read her thoughts and do not try to force her to do these if she doesnt want to.  some people are just dont do well around other people but it may make it better if she gets her feelings out with out the threat of you, her parents hanging over her shoulder. she most likely has extremely low self-esteem issues and with these things it just takes time. but i highly recommend tumblr just dont try and stalk her on the blogging site she needs space.
> 60 days ago

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