jebsardog asks:

My daughter tells me that her "best friend" tells her she hates her and she won't be her friend if she doesn't do what she says. Do we talk to school?

In Topics: Friendships and peer relationships
> 60 days ago



Oct 24, 2010
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What the Expert Says:

You don't say how old your daughter is, but before you talk to the school, I suggest you talk with your daughter. Find out how she feels when her friend talks to her this way. Then find out what, if anything, your daughter says to her friend when she hears this kind of ultimatum. The point is that your daughter needs to let her friend know that while she likes her "best friend" she does not like it when her friend says these things. If your daughter isn't sure how to stand up for herself then you can help her by doing some role play. Have your daughter first take the role of the "best friend" and YOU take the role of your daughter. That way you can demonstrate what to say. Once your daughter sees your example of how to do it, then switch roles and give her a chance to speak for herself. One point I want to mention, there's absolutely no need for your daughter to be angry or snotty when speaking up for herself. Show her how to be calm, and assertive without adding any negative attitude. It's not necessary and it dilutes the power of the message which is: I like you but I don't like when you talk to me that way. I'm not always going to do what you say. And you're not always going to do what I say. But we can still be friends."  

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Additional Answers (1)

Sweet_Suha writes:
First you daughter must make some new good friends and tell no to her best friend with confidence. Talking to school may create more problem for your daughter. My one student said when her mother complained to me, more problems occured. I am really sorry if my idea dosen't work.
> 60 days ago

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