Education.com
Try
Brainzy
Try
Plus
jessie205
jessie205 asks:
Q:

How can you get your daughter to come visit more when she is 18 and lives with her grandparents? When she only wants to spend time with her friends?

She lives with her grandparents on her dads side of family and she maybe comes up here 5 times out of a year unless she needs something like money or car fixed? Most of the time she tells us she has clinicals and can't come then when I go on her web page she is always talking about what she did that weekend with her friends or what they are doing the following week, we just don't no what to do anymore? We love her and we've told her how we feel about it and we love her but we just want her to come up more often but she just tells us lies and then when we catch her in a lie she makes up another one and even the grandparents lie for her to keep her out of trouble with us so if you can help us with this please we are open for any suggestions, we've even did therapy and talked to everyone, dr and therapist including pshiatric's
In Topics: Parenting / Our Family
> 60 days ago

|

Expert

Dr.Monika
Feb 13, 2011
Subscribe to Expert

What the Expert Says:

Parenting teenagers is not easy!  Most of them prefer to spend time with friends, and it is a normal part of transitioning into adulthood.  Over time though, most will understand how important family is.  However, nothing comes free!  You have to show her support in whatever she does.  Show her how happy you are every time she comes, even if it is only 5 times a year.  Ultimately, it is up to her to choose to visit, so if she meets interrogations and criticism on most visits, her visits will become less frequent.  If you show enthusiasm in her infrequent visits, or maybe even the activities that she does with her friends, she might be encouraged to come more often to share her experiences with you. Use positive reinforcement :)  

Best regards.  
Did you find this answer useful?
1
yes
0
no

Additional Answers (2)

Karenmom
Karenmom writes:
Hi Jessie!

I agree totally with the expert.  Use a positive attitude and your 18 year old will want to be around you more.  If you are critical about her friends or the way she spends her time, she's not going to want to come and visit with you.  She is 18 and lives with her grandparents, she should not be worried about "getting in trouble" with you.  Best wishes!
> 60 days ago

Did you find this answer useful?
0
yes
0
no
Karenmom
Karenmom writes:
Hi Jessie,

I just wanted to add some suggestions to my answer.

Try planning some activities around your daughter.  Think of what she has interest in and go with that.  I'm not sure what the weather is there, but if it's warm or when it warms up, you could have a cook-out and invite your daughter along with a few of her friends and other outdoor activities, basketball, volleyball, bad mitten, etc.

Meanwhile, you could have a "night out" invite your daughter along with a few friends to maybe join you at a restaurant and a movie, bowling, skating, something that will be fun for all-of course, you're buying.  Let her see the loving, light hearted you that is only interested in the time spent and being a part of her life.  You could plan something around her on a regular basis, not excluding other family members or friends and she may resist the lies trying to avoid you.

Over time, she may even look forward to what you have planned next or may even take the initiative to make plans of her own with you.

I've included two links, the first is quick advice on how to deal with teens, the other is a list of fun things that you can do together.  It just offers some suggestions and you could choose what suits your family and situation best, but all is in hopes of bringing you closer to your daughter.  Hope this helps!

Did you find this answer useful?
1
yes
0
no
Answer this question