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Anonymous
Anonymous asks:
Q:

How can I deal with a verbally abusive teacher?

My spouse was picking up our child when the teacher just darted at her in front of all the school trying to explain the supposedly bad behavior of our child that day, she was loud and seemed frustrated. She made several comments that sounded more like threats, to make him improve behavior or he could repeat the year(he's in 3rd grade).
This has been the second time we see the teacher out of line and out of place with comments and behavior. Now our child is very afraid of attending and has been for the last couple of months, wanting, almost begging us to change schools. We've never before experienced any problems with him, actually he was an honor roll student with great grades which this school year I haven't seen again, actually loosing his place in the gifted and talented program.
How can we approach the teacher or school, or administrative district for the matter?
What's the best advice we can give our child to get his confidence and energy focused again?
In Topics: My Relationship with my child's school, Bullying and teasing
> 60 days ago

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Expert

AnnieFox
Nov 12, 2010
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What the Expert Says:

I don't know if your son was present when the teacher "lost it" in front of you... I sure hope not! But either way, from what you describe, the teacher's behavior was inappropriate and unprofessional. We all have bad days, but since this is the second time she was "out of line" I'd say you should take your concerns to the principal.  As for what to say to your child, be very positive about his gifts and talents and your confidence in his abilities. Do NOT bad-mouth the teacher or undermine her. That would not be helpful since he needs to deal with her day to day.

Hopefully, after you've spoken with the principal, the teacher will get the message that her behavior needs to change. If her attitude toward your son doesn't change, then look into transferring your son out of her class. If that's not a possibility, take it up with the school board and/or the superintendent.

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Additional Answers (5)

HappyLearner
HappyLearner writes:
Approach the teacher gently but not wealky. She probably is frustrated- not with your child personally, but perhaps with her demanding workload. For teachers the job isn't merely nine to five; they take their work home with them and rarely get a break. It's a lifestyle, not just a job. Most of us wait untill we get off work to express our frustrations, but in a very real sense she never get off of work. It's hard to be a teacher, even for the best, especially when classrooms are so overcrowded.

Try to approach her with understanding. I know it can feel offensive when teachers act that way, but try to put yourself in her shoes. If you ccan develop a plesant relationship with her then things will go a lot smoother. She will sense your understanding and good intentions and appriciate them, offering her cooperation as a result.

Just try to polish your your interaction with her and she will most likely follow your lead. If you try many times and she's still a meanie then you may need to involve the principal in the matter. If the law requires your child be in school, then the law must also gaurentee a healthy environment for your child to spend those 40 hours a week in. If the situation becomes extreamly unhealthy then don't hesitate to involve child services, but don't openly threaten to do this.

Why child services? Because school is like a home away from home for children, and like a home it's a place where kids CAN'T avoid going. Child services in your county may be acle to intervene and initiate supportive services that can help this teacher learn techniques for better dealing with children on verbal terms. All would benifit in the end. But don't regard child services as a weapon, rather as a positive sollution. If the teacher is IN FACT being verbally abusive to young children then there honestly should be some helpful intervention. She can be shown how to manage her frustration.

A child is only as healthy as his mentors.

I'm sorry you're going through that. Good luck.

P.S. You may prefer to look into alternative schools. They function much differently, each with a unique perspective. If you look into these, check out a few, since they're all very different from each other. You may check into government grants for private schools also.
> 60 days ago

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Noteacherbullies
Noteacherbu... writes:
I am concerned by any answer that sends a message that the parent has to learn to accommodate a teacher who is a bully and acts in an unprofessional manner.  If your child has changed that much in a short period of time, there is obviously a problem with the teacher.  You, the parent, should not have to think about changing schools or thinking of "alternatives" because of a teacher that is failing your child.  You and your child have a right to expect an adequate education and not to be berated by teachers.

  If there are reasons to involve Children's services, then there should also be a lawyer involved and the schools and teacher should know this is being done.

Bullies need to be confronted and told that their behavior will not be tolerated.  I would suggest going to the principal to resolve the problem by either by removing your child from that classroom.  I would also make my presence known in the classroom.  Spend time in the room so you can see what goes on.

If there is still no satisfaction, then involve lawyers.  These types of teacher bullies need to understand the consequences of their unethical behavior.
> 60 days ago

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LaurenStewrt
LaurenStewrt writes:
I am the mother of a well behaved school age child and he experienced teacher bullying.  In second grade, my son was in talent programs, conscientious about doing homework before play, but still was the victim of teacher abuse.  He continually begged me to not make him go to school because he was scared.  On day he came home crying and explained what had happened and the teacher had gone way too far.  I apprised the principal and then proceeded to harshly lecture the teacher.  I then immediately took my child out of the school.  Unfortunately, the next school he attended was taught by a very abusive teacher as well.  The philosophy of that school, principal on down, was to yell at the top of your lungs and punish all children for the wrongs of a few.  My child came home upset, crying, and unable to concentrate on schoolwork.  I had a very candid talk with the principal and proceeded to pull him out of another public school.  I enrolled him in a private christian charter school and we are both so happy.  He is back to himself and a stellar student.  Yelling and abusive speech and behavior is absolutely not tolerated at this school.  The principal, a registered nurse, is an exceptional leader and ethics are her top priority and she enforces it at every level.  Yelling is not an acceptable form of management.  Any child who poses real disciplinary problems are dealt with on an individual basis so that the other children can continue to learn and grow emotionally and intellectually.  

My advice to parents who have children with unreasonable teachers is to pull your child out of that environment immediately.  When you confront a teacher like this, they will continue to take their aggression out on you innocent child and this is very immoral.  You will not change them.  Step #1:  Pull your child out and place them in a better school.  Step #2:  Let the teacher know why your child is no longer in his/her class.  Step #3:  Let the school principal understand what has happened and why your child no longer attends the school.  Step #4:  apprise the school superintendent as to what took place and what you chose to do about it.  Make sure that the superintendent understands that this is not an issue that can be corrected by a parent or child.  School leadership needs to be actively involved in this problem.  When teacher aggression is present, the teacher has already demonstrated the inability to conduct themselves in an ethical manner.

Ask yourself.......who could feel right about verbally abusing an innocent child privately or in front of other children?  Only someone that needs psychological help.

If you child has experienced an extreme amount of abuse, then do not hesitate to pull the child out, contact an attorney, and sue the school for monetary award to cover psychological treatment for you child.


Bad teachers need to be made accountable for their actions.
> 60 days ago

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Lindajane1324
Lindajane1324 writes:
Going to the administration is a joke.  They protect their own.  Look at Penn State.  The educator/coach at our school in Oregon picked up a chair and threw it to the side of the gym in an angry rage, screams in a rage in the kid's faces, plays head games like benching my son an entire game, a leading scorer, for attending his grandfather's funeral over Christmas.  We lost the game BTW. Gee he missed practice for his grandfather's death.  This coach continually explodes in a rage and the entire administration has bullied me for taking a stand!!!  These are our children!!!  Students rights have been violated.  I filed complaints over 4 months ago with the teachers standards and practices commission after complaining to the district for 1 1/2 years.  Nothing has been done to this date 8/16/2012.  Abuse is a cycle, stop the adult bullies!!!!  I am disgusted to say the least.  I am disgusted with the corruption within this school district.  Liar liar pants on fire!!!!  Go to www.change.org and find "abusive coaching". I have over 200+ petition signers saying we've had enough!!!!
> 60 days ago

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maryetta-oh
maryetta-oh writes:
take it to school administrator if principal will not do anything about it.
> 60 days ago

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