It is concerning to see our children so upset. I think you are very wise to set an appointment with a psychologist for further evaluation.

Children with ADHD deal with maintaining focus in the classroom as you know. It is not an issue of intelligence. However they will often times express that they feel dumb because their peers in the classroom seem to understand what they do not.

Typically they are following the instruction in the classroom and they temporarily lose focus. When they return their attention to the discussion in the classroom they have missed what the other students heard. They feel lost and as the situation repeats itself they can become very frustrated and make the assumption they are not as intelligent as their peers.

At age 12 school becomes more challenging and the instruction is more lecture oriented which is a challenge for children with ADHD symptoms. It may also be beneficial to help with some classroom strategies. Does she currently have an Individualized Education Plan (IEP)? Your daughter school guidance counselor likely has many resources for you to consider in helping your daughter both in the classroom, socially with peers and at home.

Regarding her curling into a fetal position and rocking herself is an attempt to comfort herself. Learning other ways to calm her anxiety and nurture herself can replace this behavior in time. The seeming inability to accept no also is part of the impulsiveness that is characteristic of ADHD.

Hopefully with help from professionals, your daughter will get the help that she needs to work though these issues so she can feel more comfortable and confident in herself and her abilities.

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I WAS that girl. I wish back then I had been diagnosed and had medication. I might have finished school.

From an ADHD perspective, it's not other people that us feel dumb, it's the fact that we try so hard but just keep failing at things.

You also need to understand that the way our brains work, is to try to find a solution for every problem that effects us. And when the solution does not present itself, the problem keeps churning around. The older you get, the responsibilities you have, and the more unresolved problems are churning around inside. Eventually it gets too much and you end up up with anxiety issues. This increases frustration levels immensely.

ADHD is caused by a defiency of dopamine. The neurotransmitters are not doing their job effectively. No psychologist will be able to fix this, you need medication.

I know that you posted this 2 months ago, but I swear you are describing my child.  She too is 12 years old, is belligerent, mornings are especially tough.  Right now she is refusing to get up and go to school, (7th Grade).  My husband and I have decided to draw the line, I don't think this is her ADHD talking I think it is her just wanting her own way.  She sees not going to school as a punishment to us and doesn't see the connection and consider the consequences to her.  We have begun taking away her privileges one by one in hopes to get her to understand her behavior is not acceptable and we will no longer let her drive how we function as a family unit and what the rules are.  I know this doesn't answer your concern, but I wanted to let you know that you are not alone.