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labelsareforsoupcans
labelsarefo... asks:
Q:

I feel like a disappointment?

Okay, so, I'm 14 and I've always felt like a disappointment to my parents. I'm pretty much the shadow of my older, more successful sister. When I was little, I used to get straight A's, but I never felt like my parents were proud of me. My father would always say, "You're just doing your duty" and that was it. No "Good job", no pat on the back, and definitely no "I'm proud of you". Nowadays my grades have been dropping and that's not making my problem any better. I know my parents love me, but I feel like they don't think I'm good enough because I don't fit their standards. I'm in gifted, I take Honors classes and I try to please them, but everything just backfires on me. I'm pretty much the black sheep of the whole family since I'm really weird and unlike them. I also feel like my parents never want to listen to me. It's like they think my opinion and thoughts don't matter compared to their because they're adults and I'm not. Because of this they assume that anything that comes out of my mouth is just some uninformed, childish nonsense because they didn't come up with it first. I really want to make them happy but I feel like it's impossible. Please help!
In Topics: Teen issues
> 60 days ago

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sdug
sdug writes:
have you tried talking to a school counsler on matter? they can also help with getting you parents to become more involved and maby listen a little closer to what you have to say. hang in there and dont give up keep your head high and try it. :) GOOD LUCK !!!
> 60 days ago

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rondan0520
rondan0520 writes:
Hi, I am a parent, teacher, aunt and friend and let me say that parents are constantly making mistakes because we think we have it figured out and we forget that we don't! I try to talk to my girl constantly about how they feel to make sure I know what's on their minds but sometimes they don't tell me which makes it hard to fix my mistakes since I can't read their minds.  Just like you I was the ODD duckling and the weird one that dressed funny and did things completely different than my family and My parents were constantly comparing me to my older and more perfect sister but I never made grades better than a B b/c that was all they expected... I told my dad that when I got older that had he expected and required A's then I could have done it... He was shocked when he realized what they had done and honestly had no clue how bad it hurt me.. So with all this being said.. TALK to them, write notes, journals, see your school counselor, tell a close family friend how you feel and maybe they can help communicate your feelings to them. Just remember that if you are trying to get them to listen to you that it goes both ways and you have to be willing to listen to them and if you want them to value your opinion then you have to value theirs too!
Have you tried talking to your sister? maybe she could help you explain to them that you are different people.
Right now it is important to find someone that you can talk to and relate to and hopefully help you communicate with your parents...you know they love you but they probably just aren't sure how to communicate with you since you are a teenager :) lol
> 60 days ago

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jacky123paul
jacky123paul writes:
Don't take tension
> 60 days ago

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HistoriaFletcher
HistoriaFle... writes:
You are 14 yrs. old. In the gifted program, and have Honor classes.  I think you're reading too much into what your parents aren't saying.  I can assure you they are proud.  Maybe they don't say good job because you have always been smart.  They don't expect it because they might feel it comes naturally to you.  If you are feeling this way, have you ever tried to talk to just one parent at a time?? And whether you want to believe this or not, teenaged young ladies can be overly-sensitive to everything around them.. don't let these negative feelings you have about yourself pull you down and make you not want to try to do your best!! That hurts you in the end.  Keep your head up, these teen-age years go by fast!! just enjoy them, if you can!!
> 60 days ago

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TeacherandParent
TeacherandP... writes:
Parents do things differently - some of my friends would get a dollar for every A on their report card but my own parents said the same as yours - good grades are what's expected. I had an older sister who I always felt outshined me too - she was an A+ student, in the orchestra, quiet and never any trouble.
As a parent I'm sure your parents love you just as much as your sister but parents aren't always able to show that. What came out in my parents was their constant worry over me and why wasn't I more like my sister?
I wish I had something better to say to you but that I remember what it felt like to feel like the black sheep of the family. I never had quite the nerve to say to my parents, "I think I disappoint you and I'm sorry about that. I love you and don't want to disappoint you and I hope you love me even as I am right now. I try hard to to do well in school but I worry that you won't love me if my grades drop and that's a very sad feeling to have."
I don't know if it would break any ice or help if you said that to your parents - I was lucky to have a good friend to help see me through the difficult years of being a black sheep in the family.
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