Hello and thank you for writing to Just Ask.

Homeschooling can be a challenge, albeit rewarding, between many children and parents.  Part of being successful at home instruction is understanding what your son needs academically, socially and behaviorally.

Many parents of children with learning challenges choose to homeschool.  However, you may wish to avail yourself of homeschool organizations that assist parents with children who have special needs.

In addition, you may wish to revisit with the school special education teams.  They may need to adjust or be creative with making a program that suits the needs of your child.  You can also ask them for names of advocates who are used during these meetings.  An advocate is someone who helps a parent negotiate their way through the special education process.  (Which can be lengthy and at times difficult to understand).  Please see if this person is paid or a free service before asking for their help.

Here are some websites that might lead you to people who can assist you with your questions specific to homeschooling a child with Asperger's  syndrome.  Please read the materials careful and consider all aspects of this situation. Only you will know what is right for your fifth grader and your family.

http://homeschoolingaspergers.blogspot.com/
http://homeschooling.gomilpitas.com/weblinks/autism.htm
http://www.ourjourneythruautism.com
http://www.kylestreehouse.org
http://www.autismspeaks.com

Good luck!

Louise Masin Sattler, NCSP
Nationally Certified School Psychologist
Owner of http://www.SigningFamilies.com
Host of Learning and Laughter with Louise (www.toginet.com)

Another option is to enroll your child in special homeschool "classes".  I'm a homeschool mom as well as a certified, 20-year veteran teacher, and I currently work with Sylvan Learning Center.  I personally have taught Aspergers students in private homeschool classes, and they do wonderfully there.  Part of the reason is the smaller class sizes, but another part (in my experience) is that homeschoolers, in general, tend to be more tolerant, sensitive, and "inclusive" than their public-school counterparts.  The teasing and general "meanness" just isn't there, at least not on the scale I witnessed when teaching in the public schools.  

In the Atlanta area, for example, there are several homeschool "academies" available, and even Sylvan has just launched its own homeschool program.  Beginning in June, they'll be offering a wide variety of classes, testing services, etc. just for the homeschool community.  That way, a student with Asperger's gets the social interaction with like-minded students on a smaller scale.  (Anyone interested in the details can go to www.sylvanhomeschooling.com for more details).  Good luck!

I was reading your question and it hit me that we are almost in the exact same situation.  My 9 year old son has Aspergers and I also have a two year old.  I am a teacher as well.  The specialist told me that my son would never make it in private school.  Not only is he making it, he made the all A honor roll and is quite popular with many friends.  I always say don't underestimate your child but also know that you aren't superwoman.  I get down on myself for thinking I'm not doing everything right as well.  I try to remember that I'm doing my best and that's all I can do.  I know Icould never homeschool my son for the exact same reasons you describe.  Children always seem to listen to everyone else better than their parents for some reason.  My son never has the meltdowns at school that he has at home.  I wouldn't feel comfortable with him in public school, but have found a private christian school that has become a second family to us.  If I tried to homeschool him I know I would never get him to listent he way his teachers do.  I don't take it personally because a lot of my students parents say the same thing to me.  I say do what feel right to you.  I imagine it's trial and error.  See what works for oyur family.  I honestly feel Asperger's kids greatly benefit from the socialization of being with other children as long as it is a positive situation for him and not a negative one.  It made an incredible difference for my son to find a small loving christian school.  I don't have all the answers but that my opinion.

First of all, you have not failed him! Trying various alternatives and options for a child with special needs is a courageous and necessary process.  In this case, though, it looks as though what you have learned is that for your son, with the other demands you currently have, homeschooling is not an ideal option.  I do not know what the public school situation is for you.  I am a special education teacher, fortunate enough to teach in a district where the needs of the child are truly first priority. (I also tutor children with special needs who are homeschooled).  I have taught in other districts where this is not the case.  But your son DEFINITELY needs structure and routine, and possibly some additional services (specialized teaching practices, therapies) that the district ought to provide.  How involved were you in the IEP process before? You, as parent, have a number of rights to ensure that your son receives the education that is appropriate for him.  If he does not, you can engage in "due process" to correct the situation  Getting a tutor to prepare him for re-entrance is an excellent idea.  But he also needs to be prepared in other ways as well (socially, knowing the routines, knowing what to expect, getting to know some of the people who will be working with him, etc.).   It would be VERY helpful to talk with the school about your son's needs and making a plan to prepare him so that being in school can be a much more productive and gratifying experience.  And, as I said above, make sure that you have a big say in the IEP process.  Good luck!