Hello and thank you for writing to Just Ask.

Homeschooling can be a challenge, albeit rewarding, between many children and parents.  Part of being successful at home instruction is understanding what your son needs academically, socially and behaviorally.

Many parents of children with learning challenges choose to homeschool.  However, you may wish to avail yourself of homeschool organizations that assist parents with children who have special needs.

In addition, you may wish to revisit with the school special education teams.  They may need to adjust or be creative with making a program that suits the needs of your child.  You can also ask them for names of advocates who are used during these meetings.  An advocate is someone who helps a parent negotiate their way through the special education process.  (Which can be lengthy and at times difficult to understand).  Please see if this person is paid or a free service before asking for their help.

Here are some websites that might lead you to people who can assist you with your questions specific to homeschooling a child with Asperger's  syndrome.  Please read the materials careful and consider all aspects of this situation. Only you will know what is right for your fifth grader and your family.

http://homeschoolingaspergers.blogspot.com/
http://homeschooling.gomilpitas.com/weblinks/autism.htm
http://www.ourjourneythruautism.com
http://www.kylestreehouse.org
http://www.autismspeaks.com

Good luck!

Louise Masin Sattler, NCSP
Nationally Certified School Psychologist
Owner of http://www.SigningFamilies.com
Host of Learning and Laughter with Louise (www.toginet.com)

Another option is to enroll your child in special homeschool "classes".  I'm a homeschool mom as well as a certified, 20-year veteran teacher, and I currently work with Sylvan Learning Center.  I personally have taught Aspergers students in private homeschool classes, and they do wonderfully there.  Part of the reason is the smaller class sizes, but another part (in my experience) is that homeschoolers, in general, tend to be more tolerant, sensitive, and "inclusive" than their public-school counterparts.  The teasing and general "meanness" just isn't there, at least not on the scale I witnessed when teaching in the public schools.  

In the Atlanta area, for example, there are several homeschool "academies" available, and even Sylvan has just launched its own homeschool program.  Beginning in June, they'll be offering a wide variety of classes, testing services, etc. just for the homeschool community.  That way, a student with Asperger's gets the social interaction with like-minded students on a smaller scale.  (Anyone interested in the details can go to www.sylvanhomeschooling.com for more details).  Good luck!

I was reading your question and it hit me that we are almost in the exact same situation.  My 9 year old son has Aspergers and I also have a two year old.  I am a teacher as well.  The specialist told me that my son would never make it in private school.  Not only is he making it, he made the all A honor roll and is quite popular with many friends.  I always say don't underestimate your child but also know that you aren't superwoman.  I get down on myself for thinking I'm not doing everything right as well.  I try to remember that I'm doing my best and that's all I can do.  I know Icould never homeschool my son for the exact same reasons you describe.  Children always seem to listen to everyone else better than their parents for some reason.  My son never has the meltdowns at school that he has at home.  I wouldn't feel comfortable with him in public school, but have found a private christian school that has become a second family to us.  If I tried to homeschool him I know I would never get him to listent he way his teachers do.  I don't take it personally because a lot of my students parents say the same thing to me.  I say do what feel right to you.  I imagine it's trial and error.  See what works for oyur family.  I honestly feel Asperger's kids greatly benefit from the socialization of being with other children as long as it is a positive situation for him and not a negative one.  It made an incredible difference for my son to find a small loving christian school.  I don't have all the answers but that my opinion.

First of all, you have not failed him! Trying various alternatives and options for a child with special needs is a courageous and necessary process.  In this case, though, it looks as though what you have learned is that for your son, with the other demands you currently have, homeschooling is not an ideal option.  I do not know what the public school situation is for you.  I am a special education teacher, fortunate enough to teach in a district where the needs of the child are truly first priority. (I also tutor children with special needs who are homeschooled).  I have taught in other districts where this is not the case.  But your son DEFINITELY needs structure and routine, and possibly some additional services (specialized teaching practices, therapies) that the district ought to provide.  How involved were you in the IEP process before? You, as parent, have a number of rights to ensure that your son receives the education that is appropriate for him.  If he does not, you can engage in "due process" to correct the situation  Getting a tutor to prepare him for re-entrance is an excellent idea.  But he also needs to be prepared in other ways as well (socially, knowing the routines, knowing what to expect, getting to know some of the people who will be working with him, etc.).   It would be VERY helpful to talk with the school about your son's needs and making a plan to prepare him so that being in school can be a much more productive and gratifying experience.  And, as I said above, make sure that you have a big say in the IEP process.  Good luck!

I have a son, 12, who is diagnosed ADHD and I believe has ODD also. We have had problems since he was in K with schools and he was kicked out of a private one. The past two years here he had an IEP team, but things were hard for me. Last year was insane and I was on the phone or email with the Special Ed teacher who was coordinating him getting work done and what assignments he had with just TWO teachers. It was crazy and one teacher was so insistent on her view of what she though he should be doing and would not take into account at all that he learned a bit differently and what I had to say to assist her in that.  He would come home with homework and it literally would take 4-5 hours for me to get him through it. He was upset with bullying in class and on the bus and though they addressed it, his behavior became more reactive and basically at school's end he was shocking me with the verbal spouts he was spewing forth to even his principal. The last week of school he got so bad and I was seeing him a nervous wreck all the time. She basically asked me to take him out early.
   He gives me problems too and I see what you are saying about them being better for others than their own parents. I see that with ALL kids really. However, going into Middle School with 6 different teachers and a schedule that changed daily was a headache for ME not just him and with two other kids, I could not deal with that.  I am homeschooling him right now and it is not easy, but seems the lesser of two problems than putting him in Middle School. I find we are going slower than perhaps normal because I want him to really understand what he is learning for more than five minutes, but it is tough. We are in a rural area and resources for many things in the city are an hour away and not here. I would love to hear from homeschoolers at this age about good writing and math resources for kids with ADHD.

it seems like you need help.  i would advise enrolling him back in public school with the proper diagnosis and support from the school.  The time you spend teaching him could be spent making sure that he is getting the help he needs at school.  i understand you are trying to protect him, but remember, real life is hard and he needs to try to get used to it, again with the proper supervision and support.  i think it will also help your 2 year old in the long run.

I own a math/reading learning center (after-school program) and have had many students on the autism spectrum.  I have found that the structure -- same daily routine and expectations --  help all students, but particularly those who easily lose focus. My students with Asperger's typically have excelled in the math calculation skills and grammar concepts and often have most difficulty with word problems, understanding complex plots and writing creatively (with metaphors, etc.).  What I've learned to do with these special students is focus on the areas in which they excel (rote memory, facts, their own style of creativity) and teach them how to use resources (thesaurus, for example) to help in areas that are most difficult.  I have found the best combination for Asperger's students is close work with parents and teachers who are aware and willing to accommodate (modify assignments, requirements) but who keep the students main-streamed.  I have one 6th grader with whom I've worked closely for 4 years (my regular program plus one hour weekly private) and who is now proudly on the honor roll in school.  His specialty is memorizing, illustrating, and performing the essays that his mother and I help (substantially) with the writing.  His ideas may get jumbled initially, but his grammar and spelling are excellent.  Once written, he understands it well enough to perform it.  The teacher knows he has a lot of help initially, but grades him on final product (and performance).    And... he is also mastering Algebra.