This is a good question and it will be important that you and your husband can have a good dialogue about this particular subject so that you can be consistent.  When parents aren't consistent in their parenting styles it can be very confusing for the children.

At four years old, a child is like a sponge, learning so many different things.  We think the most important element of shaping a child's behavior is education.  When your child breaks the rules, it is important to have consequences, but part of those consequences should involve helping the child learn why what they did was wrong.  You want to be able to set your child up for success.  For example, if your child will not share a toy with another child, than you may not want to take away their toys so that you can give them an opportunity to be good!  It is always best to try and set up situations where your children can be good, be recongized for being good, and get positive attention.  

Sometimes it can be effective to take things away if they continually cause problems.  For example, if you child has a toy that they swing around and hit people with and you tell them to stop and they do not, the punishment than can be taking away that particular toy.  you then say that you have to take it away because you are worried about people's safety, not just because the child is "bad."  Time outs are also effective communication because it forces the child to stop, think and then identify, a) what they did, b) why it wasn't okay, c) how they feel about it, and d) what they will do in the future as an alternative.  You can also, of course, assist in your child problems solving these situations as needed.  

We wish you and your husband all the best in this situation and hope you can continue to provide a safe, healthy and happy home for your family!  And feel free to call our hotline at any time for assistance.  

Counselor, Dominic
Boys Town National Hotline-A hotline for parents and teens
1-800-448-3000
www.parenting.org