This is a great question! I appreciate how much you value good manners... something our current culture seems to be largely lacking. But is it "your place" to instill manners in your children's friends while they're in your home? I guess that depends on a) the age of the kids (I don't imagine you'd say to a visiting 16 year old "What's the magic word?") and b) your relationship with these kids.

Over the years I have personally gotten away with a lot "butting in" with kids because my typical approach to giving a course correction to kids (other than my own) is with a LIGHT TOUCH. Use humor. Be friendly. Smile. And be matter of fact because it's not OK to intentionally embarrass a guest (I don't care how old she/he is). Obviously if you come on too uptight, your children won't appreciate it and they may get push-back from their friends the next time there's a play date scheduled for your house.

I hope this helps!

In friendship,
Annie

Hi, We often have a variety of children over to our house, and typically I don't enforce the "please and thank you's" with the other kids. I do continue to enforce those particular manners with our daughter though (whether at home or while visiting other homes), and I've noticed that doing so has a positive effect on others (either the parents hear it and they start to enforce the manners with their kids, or the other children also follow the instruction I've given our daughter and start using those words too).

While I'm not a stickler on "please and thank you's" from other parents' children, I am strict when it comes to behavior, particularly unsafe behavior like climbing on top of the play structure instead of sitting on the swings correctly. We also have a few rowdy young boys that come over to our house to play, and I must keep my eye on them and remind them frequently about being gentle with certain belongings in the house, not slamming doors, not throwing balls or tracking mud inside, etc.

I also guide the kids or interject myself when guest children help themselves to our refrigerator and snack cabinet. I'm fine with sharing food and drink, but think it is more polite to ask first. Also I want the children to choose healthy items, and I check for food allergies and parent permissions on some snack items.

So for some manners, my answer to your question is yes, and for others (like "please and thank you"), the answer is sometimes or no. Hope this helps.