I am assuming your daughter is at the age of conventional moral reasoning level of development. Which sixty of the world's population does not grow out of. At this level your daughter's actions are affected by those around her. She seeks approval by her peers. I assume she goes to school, therefore, her behavior is affected by these people. The best time period to affect your child's future behaviors is from birth to four years of age. If you do not set something in place to promote tolerance during this time period, it will be hard for you do change anything. I'd say, learn her likes and dislikes. Learn what she can't live without and what she likes enough to do what you wish her to do. In other words, condition her. Positive and negative reinforcement. Operant conditioning is probably the best route to go, regardless of your daughter cognitive level. I suggest reading on some psychology operant conditioning.