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JO-RILEY
JO-RILEY asks:
Q:

PROPER SCHOOL INVESTIGATION OF BULLYING INCIDENT

I WAS INFORMED MY SON AND ANOTHER CHILD KICKED AND PUNCHED A THIRD CHILD. THE THIRD CHILD DID RECEIVE BRUISES TO HIS SHINS. I WAS NOT NOTIFIED UNTIL THE NEXT DAY. AT THE TIME OF THE INCIDENT A TEACHER SEEN THE CHILD KICK MY SON AND MY SON FELL TO THE GROUND SHE SEPARATED THEM. ONCE THE PRINCIPAL INVESTIGATED MY SON ADMITTED TO KICKING AND PUNCHING THE BOY FIRST. MY SON DOES DESERVE THE PUNISHMENT HE IS GETTING, BUT MY CONCERN IS WITH THE INVESTIGATION NO ONE ASKED HIM WHY HIM WHY HE KICKED AND PUNCHED THIS BOY. I'M STILL ADDRESSING THE CONCERNS WITH MY CHILD, AND HAVE SOMEWHAT DETERMINED MY CHILD MAY BE A BULLY VICTIM. SHOULD I QUESTION THE SCHOOL ON THEIR INVESTIGATION AND PRESS THE FACT THEY NEED TO LOOK INTO THIS SITUATION A LITTER MORE. MY SON NAMED A FEW MORE BOYS WHO HAVE KICKED AND PUNCHED HIM. BUT I DON'T WANT MY SON TO THINK HIS BEHAVIOR IS OKAY.
In Topics: Bullying and teasing
> 60 days ago

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Expert

BarbK
Dec 7, 2010
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What the Expert Says:

Jo Riley,

This is a difficult situation for you and your son to be in. I'm glad you are talking with your son about what happened and realize that his actions do have consequences.  Sometimes it is hard to be the parent.

However, I would try to set up a meeting with the school.  Find out what their bullying policy is and how they put that plan into action when necessary.  I would also take some time to find out how they deal with a bully-victim.  This will allow you to share what your son has told you.  I would keep the other boys' names out of the situation because that might it worse in the long run.  But from this point moving forward you want to know what will be done so you can work with your son at home.  The more information you have on the process of dealing with a bully, the better off you will be in helping your son in explaining what he needs to do if a similar situation happens again.  This conversation could also expose a gap in the school's process that will allow them to fix it so it doesn't happen to anyone one.  

Good luck.

Barb K
www.LessonPop.com

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Additional Answers (4)

momosan1
momosan1 writes:
You wrote your child and another child hurt a third child.  So you feel two against one equals your child being bullied?? Please explain. If your child hit first, I hate to tell you, but legally he was the aggressor. You should be thankful the parents of the third child are not taking you to court for medical expenses! You also say your son has had other boys kick and punch him. How does that correlate with his behavior in bullying a child himself?? Don't question the consequence that is being dealt to him, but also let him know if he hit, tell someone.

Good luck.
> 60 days ago

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EdieRaether
EdieRaether , Teacher writes:
Bullying is a disgraceful aspect of our society and people and institutions should be called to the carpet to stop it.
Setting bigger traps is NOT the answer. Sending kids to school with psychological armor may help, but armor gets heavy! It also shifts the responsibility of the problem onto the victim rather than the bully who instills shame and keeps the victim silent. Being “different’ is not a crime, but bullying is or often leads to criminal behavior. Since most bullies were first victims themselves, the cycle of despair and cruelty continues which is why my programs of intervention get to the “heart” of the problem to create a caring culture and safe space for all children to reach out.

I am  provide interactive prevention programs for angry kids who bully, protection for kids who are bullied, and answers for parents and teachers seeking guidance to a serious problem that is responsible for many child and teen suicides.
 am a speaker and author on Bullying and also have a character building program for kids that transforms potential into possibilities. See www.wingsforwishes.com and www.stopbullyingwithedie.com.
 Good Synergy to make things happen!
Edie

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TedRWilliams
TedRWilliams writes:
Of course, in an investigation due process is important, that would be asking both the victim and the person perpetrating the agressive behavior the, who, what, whom, why and can be phrased "who did what to whom and why?"    Two or three witnesses should also be questioned.  If everyone has to write down what happened before anyone talks to them, then the discussion can be based on the preceptions of all.  In terms of privacy, a school may not be able to share all the information about the punishment leved on students other than your son.
> 60 days ago

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BSFAB
BSFAB writes:
get to the bottom of it.  find out why he is fighting back if he is fighting back.  why dont you know the whole story?
> 60 days ago

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