Hi sonofmine2,

I'm sorry you're going through this.  As a mom I think there's nothing more heartbreaking than seeing your child in pain.  I've always hated the "picking teams" way of doing things since it always leaves at least a handful of kids feeling "unwanted" - especially the very last one picked.

I would do a few things.  First I would have a really honest conversation with your son.  Don't try to "sugar coat" what's happening.  Acknowledge that being the last to be picked really stinks and let him know that you understand that he's really hurting.  You can then remind him that sports are just one part of life and it's just unfortunate that it's the one area where kids "pick teams".  Talk about the other parts of his life that he's really good at.  You can even joke about "if they had to pick teams for [science /Reading /Math /Bike Riding] I bet you'd get picked first every time!"   Help him see that he has options in the situation.  First, if he keeps playing and practicing, he's very likely to get better and will probably start getting picked sooner.  So if he's willing to tough out getting picked last for a little longer, it may pay off.  Second, he could find something else to do at recess. It's doubtful that ALL the kids are playing the pick up game of football.  Help him practice inviting some other kids to play a different game (that he likes and feels good at).  Most of all, let him know that what he's going through is temporary.  Remind him that when he's just a little bit older, there's no more "picking teams" - keep him feeling hopeful about the future if he feels like his present situation is hopeless.

Once you've armed your son to help himself, there are a couple of things you can do to help him.  First, I'd talk to his teacher and/or principal about the situation.  It's possible that they have a "no picking teams rule" (many schools do) and they need to know that the kids aren't following that rule and the playground staff needs to start enforcing the rule.  (The alternative is just to count off teams "1..2...1...2").  They may also be able to tell you about alternative activities that are available to your son so you can share those with him.  They may even be able / willing to talk to the class about the importance of including everyone and making kids feel welcome and accepted at recess.

Finally, if your schedule allows, you could ask the principal if you could volunteer for recess duty a day or two a week.  Many schools are very short staffed at recess and have inadequate supervision on the playground.  If you were able to spend some time on the playground, you'd get a better understanding of exactly what happens there so that you could help your son find a better situation.  

I hope this helps - and I hope things get better soon!

Kat

Hi!

They are just saving THE BEST FOR LAST!!!


Choosing "captains" to choose their team players has always been a huge waste of time and it does seem to isolate children or at least make them feel isolated or unwanted (real bummer, doesn't do much for making them feel like playing their best).  Next, the "captains" waste an easy 5 to 10 minutes of recess time while they are choosing and will deliberately fool around over some players, I've even seen arguments, "you take 'em---no, you take 'em" just nonsense.  

A practical approach would be for the teacher to choose the teams before recess.  For example: blue team, red team and pick the players to represent each team color (this should be done at the start of the season) and from there allow the competitive playoffs to begin, maybe even leading up to a finale at the end of the year.  Maybe you could suggest something like this to the teacher, they may appreciate the positive feedback that you can offer, due to it sounds to me that this teacher must be inexperienced or he/she would have already realized that this "choosing player" method is not working.  More experienced teachers that I have been fortunate to know, would handle this much differently and remove the "choosing" and would not waste the recess time.  More experienced teachers have learned tactics on how to remove drama from the day, which in turn the students are more focused on their studies and learning instead of worrying about something silly such as P.E.

Meanwhile, just let your son know, IT'S NOT HIM!  The teacher has given another child the power to choose his/her team, and that child is only going along with others, choosing their friends first or possibly choosing their non-friends first for their own personal reasons and it has nothing to do with your son or his performance as a player.  Let him know, to hold his head up, be proud and not stress the little petty stuff like this whole 6th grade P.E. thing, that in the very near future, this will not matter at all and usually a child such as himself, will be much more mature and capable of dealing in the real world therefore, he will be much more successful and the "others" will be the ones left behind LAST.

Volunteering is a fun way to be involved with your kids and especially at P.E., you can "root" him along, cheering and express how good he did in front of others, possibly boosting his ego a bit-however, 6th grade, he may feel a little too mature for his Mom to show up for play time.  I would talk to him about it first to see what he prefers.  

Hope this helps, I wish you & your son all the best!!

well tell him that with he play's he's bestest he might get pick first