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sherryc72
sherryc72 asks:
Q:

my son's father tries to get our son to hate me. what should i do?

If i ask him for any sort of loan to buy our son what he needs, he gets upset, helps, but then refuses the little bit of child support that he is supposed to pay. I am not working right now, due to injury and am having a very hard time. i have gone out of my way when he was struggling to help him, even by getting him a job at my work. When it comes time for our son to spend time with his father, his father says 'because mom is lazy and can't get off of the couch, and can't pay me back, we can't go anywhere,' which in turn makes my son very upset and angry at me. I try to tell my son, that i am not lazy, i have a knee injury and have a difficult time walking, and was told by the doctor to keep off of it as much as possible, but it doesn't seem to help. I am at my wits end with all of this and don't know what to do or how to stop it all...I just want everyone to get along. Please help!
In Topics: Divorce Issues
> 60 days ago

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Boys Town National Hotline
It is very hard when a parent uses their child as a token to play the other parent.  The topic of child support, money, disability are all very adult topics, and be left to the parents to discuss when not in ears reach of the children.  Although on the inside you are probably furious, frustrated and saddened by the choice your ex is making -- to play the blame game and not take responsibility for his own parenting, the best thing you can do is be a good parent to your son and never bad mouth his dad.  

Kids are pretty smart, and they figure out sooner or later which parent has their best interests at heart, and which parent is bitter.  You might want to take a look at the child support numbers and visitation arrangements now in place and see if it warrants any changes.  Usually the parent paying child support is not required to cover extra expenses unless it is laid out in the decree.

There are so many things to do in life wih your kids that cost no money at all.  Read a great book together, go fishing, ride bikes together, make a special meal together, let him have a friend over, play a board game, look through old pictures, volunteer together somewhere.  Focus on quality time together.  It's OK to tell your son, "The finances are not something I am going to dioscuss with you.  That is an adult matter."  

Laura - Crisis Counselor
> 60 days ago

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Boys Town National Hotline
It is very hard when a parent uses their child as a token to play the other parent.  The topic of child support, money, disability are all very adult topics, and be left to the parents to discuss when not in ears reach of the children.  Although on the inside you are probably furious, frustrated and saddened by the choice your ex is making -- to play the blame game and not take responsibility for his own parenting, the best thing you can do is be a good parent to your son and never bad mouth his dad.  

Kids are pretty smart, and they figure out sooner or later which parent has their best interests at heart, and which parent is bitter.  You might want to take a look at the child support numbers and visitation arrangements now in place and see if it warrants any changes.  Usually the parent paying child support is not required to cover extra expenses unless it is laid out in the decree.

There are so many things to do in life wih your kids that cost no money at all.  Read a great book together, go fishing, ride bikes together, make a special meal together, let him have a friend over, play a board game, look through old pictures, volunteer together somewhere.  Focus on quality time together.  It's OK to tell your son, "The finances are not something I am going to dioscuss with you.  That is an adult matter."  

Laura - Crisis Counselor
> 60 days ago

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